T HERE was probably a time not long ago when the only organization to spend more than $750 million designing a piece of equipment was NASA. New shaver expensive
step for mankindIt says something -- probably something really silly -- about society that Gillette has just spent that much developing a shaving razor.
I'm sorry, it's not a shaving razor, it's a "shaving system." According to the truckload of hyperbole that was released into the atmosphere at the launching of Gillette's new "shaving system," the Mach3 is "the first and only shaving system with three progressively aligned blades, forward pivoting action and innovative cartridge architecture."
You would think by that description that the Mach3 is something only Chuck Yeager could operate. And with the kind of publicity-saturation bombing accompanying this new gizmo, you'd think it's nuclear powered, or at least electrically powered.
Actually, it's a hand-held, manual, non-electric shaving razor. With three blades. It's the three blades that make the Mach3 much more advanced, not to mention funny-looking.
Think of it this way: The old one-bladed safety razor, like the little plastic Bic, could be considered one of those manual lawn mowers that you have to push. Then they came out with two-bladed razors. They were, of course, heralded as the the most advanced shaving razors ever invented. Sticking with the lawn-mower motif, the two-bladed razors were like gas-powered push mowers.
How shaver designers can call the idea to go to three blades "a quantum leap in shaving technology" is beyond me. I'd say it falls under the heading of obvious, like going from two-slot toasters to four.
BUT anyway, the Mach3 has three blades. It looks as weird as you can imagine anything with three blades looking. And, to go back to the lawn thing, it rides over your face like one of those big riding lawn mowers from Sears -- the kind you always sit in when you are going through the hardware section but never have enough lawn to merit buying.
That's the way I felt when I tried the Mach3. I mean, I have a lot of face, yardage-wise, but do I have a face that really merits using a shaver that cost more money to develop than the cure for polio?
The answer is -- no. No one has that kind of face. But the Mach3 is here and so I tried it.
I know you will be shocked to find out that the Mach3 gave an incredibly close shave. For 750 big ones, it had better give a close shave. Hell, it might even be expected to take the hairs out by the roots.
It did feel a little strange to have this big old raft of blades sliding over my face, but the shave was undeniably close. If you have one of those deep Kirk Douglas chin clefts, you might have a problem. And though they aren't pushing this shaver for women, I think it'd probably zip down legs faster than the Jamaican bobsled team.
At nearly $7, the Mach3's a little pricey. But that just means you'll treat it with the care and respect you give your other large appliances.
As for the future, I plan to submit my design to Gillette for the next quantum leap in shavers: the 15-blade Super Advanced Hair-Cutting Justice System Shaver. The first blade reads the hair its Miranda rights, the second places it under arrest, the third smacks it around and makes it confess, the fourth books it, the sixth arraigns it, the seventh sets bail, the eighth tries it, the ninth . . . well, you get the idea. After the hair's final appeal is denied (Blade 14) the hair is cut. If anyone from Gillette is out there reading this, call me quick. Otherwise I might just sell the idea to Bic.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
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71224.113@compuserve.com.
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