By Craig T. Kojima, Star-Bulletin
Keoni Llacuna, with adoptive father Ben, is a
happy child in spite of his great loss.

---

Living with scars
of domestic abuse

October is a month of awareness
but healing is needed
year 'round

By Malia Rulon
Star-Bulletin

Little Keoni Llacuna just turned 2 years old. But as he bounds across the room with angelic mischievousness, spilling water and playing with his tri-colored stamp pad while smiling delicately, it's hard to believe that he's known deeper heartache than most adults.

Keoni was only 5 months old when he witnessed the shooting of his mother Marcie Llacuna and grandmother Patricia Avergonzado, in a domestic violence case that went too far. Since that day, his mother's older brother Ben has raised him as his own.

"Everyday is a challenge, just to wake up and breathe," Ben Llacuna said. "One day we were all together dealing with (my sister's) harassment, and the next day we were falling apart.

"Before, I took life for granted," he said. "But this opened my eyes. I had to make a turnaround not just for my kids and my wife, but for this little guy as well."

Llacuna remembered comforting his sister the morning he last saw her. She was tired of running and worn out. "More better he just kill me already," he remembers her saying of her ex-boyfriend John Lewis. He shot himself after killing the two women.

"I told her, 'Baby, no one's going to kill you,'" Llacuna said. She was only 24 years old when she was shot on Dec. 5, 1995.

"I would wake up at four in the morning, crying and shaking," Llacuna said. "This violence has got to stop."

That's why Llacuna is trying to get his story out. By sharing his pain and how his family has survived the aftermath of their tragedy, he hopes to spread awareness of the domestic violence problem.

There are about 1,000 reported incidents of domestic violence in Hawaii each month, according to the Domestic Violence Clearinghouse, and it is estimated that nearly 50,000 of Hawaii's women are victims of domestic violence.

"Domestic violence affects not only victims, but victims' children and in turn the community," said Nanci Kreidman, executive director of Domestic Violence Clearinghouse and Legal Hotline.

For the month of October events including candle-light vigils, seminars and art shows will seek to raise domestic violence awareness and ways to help its victims.

Awareness helps in many ways, Kreidman said: It encourages other victims to ask for help, it lets them know they're not alone, it lets them know they have choices, and it delivers a strong message to batterers that the community will not tolerate this behavior.

"We want to encourage individuals, the community and the business community to learn about domestic violence and how to help its victims, who may be friends, neighbors or employees," she said.

Llacuna said awareness is a step in the right direction. So he warns others not to let themselves get into the same situation.

"Get away, otherwise you're not going to get out of it until it's too late," Llacuna said. "Let your family members know what's happening, but don't fight the violence with violence.

"Probably for the rest of my life, I'm going to deal with this. With the emotions... the worry...," he said. "But you cannot blame society, you only gotta blame yourself because there's help out there."

Llacuna shook his head, glancing over at Keoni, who was busy gobbling up a bowl of Kix cereal, sipping his cocoa and smiling pleasantly.

"When it comes time to explain all this to him, I hope I'm still here to explain it to him," Llacuna said. "We kept all the clippings and papers so when he gets old enough ... when he wants to know..."

Llacuna said Keoni sometimes points up to his mothers picture on the wall of their Ewa home and says "mama," or he'll lift his shirt and point to a scar, a reminder of the past.

"He knows," Llacuna said.

Events mark violence
awareness month

"Peace Begins at Home" is the theme for national Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October. Hawaii will kick off a month of activities at a noon to 1 p.m. ceremony Wednesday at Tamarind Park.

The governor's and mayor's offices will give proclamations, members of Hawaii's business communities will discuss their roles in assisting victims and the "Healing Hands" quilt -- with each square created by a victim of domestic violence --will be shown.

Earlier in the day, there will be an opening ceremony for the Clothesline Project Hawai'i, a display of T-shirts painted by those whose lives have been touched by domestic abuse.

The ceremony takes place on the Honolulu Hale lawn from 9 to 10 a.m., with shirt painting from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. as an expression of recovery by victims, their family and friends.

The shirts will be hung for viewing at Honolulu Hale from Oct. 2 through 30, and at the Hawaii State Library from Nov. 3 through 24.

Events continue all month long. A highlight will be the candlelight vigil 5:30 to 9 p.m. Oct. 22 at First Prysbyterian Church Sanctuary at Keeaumoku and Nehoa streets. For more information about these events, call the Domestic Violence Clearinghouse and Legal Hotline at 531-3771.