ATTENTION poi dog owners, start breaking your mutt of any good habits he might have because the Great Honolulu Lite Real Poi Dog Contest is a go. Poi contest is on
for Dog Day afternoonAfter weeks of tense negotiations, the Hawaiian Humane Society has graciously consented to sponsor the contest during it's "All-Day Dog Day" Oct. 18. Actually, they've agreed to incorporate the contest into their day of dog activities.
I've recruited local comedian Bo Irvine to assist me in running the contest, in which we, through a number of elaborate and cleverly designed tests and events, will identify the "most poi" dog in Honolulu. What makes a poi dog poi? That's the question we'll be trying to answer as we prepare for the contest. Stay tuned.
Some readers already have been helping answer the question. I offered an official "Great Feeling, Less Taste" Honolulu Lite T-shirt to the reader who could come up with the best poi dog story. Thousands and thousands of letters poured in. Well, actually 12. (Honolulu Lite readers aren't big letter writers. I'm probably the only columnist in the country who gets letters written in Crayon. But that's OK.)
Anyway, Lisa and Ken Vinzant managed to pen the most coherent treatise regarding poi dogs.
THEY have three dogs on their farm in Waimanalo, which they probably correctly state "is the poi dog capital of the world." But the poi-est of their three dogs is a mutt named Moki. Here are a few of their observations about what makes Moki so poi.
"Moki simply showed up one day, no papers, no invitation, no visible means of support," they said.
That is extremely poi behavior.
"Moki always assumes people are happy to see him and will gladly give up whatever they are currently engaged in in order to bask in the warmth of his personality. If they show any reluctance to do so, he will simply insert himself between them and whatever they are doing so that it is impossible to take a step without tripping over him.
"We sometimes wear rubber boots while working on the farm and this never fails to excite Moki. He'll clamp his jaws over the rim of the boot, dangling backward as you walk along. If you are just standing there, he'll run up and jam his snout down the back of your boot.
"A good day for Moki must include the following: Go hunt for cat poop and then eat it; run as fast as he can and jump, without looking, into the pond; try to bite frogs underwater, come out coughing; still wet, charge at the nearest human and chest-butt them; pick up a stick, particularly one capable of poking his eye out, and run through the bushes with it; eat the stick, throw up; (go doo-doo) while walking in a circle; bark at cats on the roof; bark at birds on the roof; challenge other dogs to a race and forget where they are going after 15 yards; wander back; repeat; ascertain where most human activity is taking place, flop down there; go to sleep, wake up and repeat entire process."
It sounds like Moki has reached a high spiritual plane of poi-ness. And you can tell that he doesn't just get by on his looks. He is poi from the core.
I'll have to talk to Bo about putting a frog-catching event into our contest, but I doubt that the Humane Society will let us build a pond on their property.
Thanks for the letter, Lisa and Ken. Your T-shirt is on the way. Send me a picture of Moki actually wearing it, and I'll send you another one. (This is a trick because no real poi dog would be caught dead in a T-shirt.)
For information about the Humane Society's "All Day Dog Day," call 946-2187. October is "Love a Dog" month, so remember, all dogs need love, but only poi dogs need an attorney.