Rant & Rave

By Warren A. Kaneshiro

Tuesday, July 23, 1996

Hey, yo! What is up with
the new 'Five-0'?

WHILE "Hawaii Five-0" continues to be seen on the ol' tube, it has been said that the series will make its way to the big screen. Well, all hoopla aside, I have one big question: Toward what age group might this big-screen version be geared?

As a member of the latch-key generation, the television series known as "Hawaii Five-0" would have been no more than, well, "Hawaii Five-0" if it weren't for a retired actress by the name of Charlotte Tremaine.

See, Tremaine, 72 - whom I've come to know through my volunteer work - has performed in off-Broadway shows (which, by the way, received rave reviews) for roughly 20 years. Along with those 20 years of off-Broadway performances, Tremaine has been cast in a few episodes of Magnum P.I.; she has done several radio/television commercials for local and mainland audiences; and more important, she has made appearances in "Hawaii Five-0."

So, when Tremaine happened to make light of her appearance in the locally filmed series, it was reason enough for me to give an episode some Gene Siskel treatment.

And so I lodged before the tube, and gazed away at an isolated episode for, say, 10 minutes. You know something, it just wasn't my cup of java.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting - with the mere minutes I granted the episode - that the program was so terrible that I refused to watch the thing for another second - I'm simply suggesting that it's not my top choice among the current programs being aired today. That's all.

Here's some logic to my "thumbs-down" rating of the particular episode:

O.K., Mr. Producer, how might you lure this guy to the box office? And how might you delete my mind's dreadful recollections of television's version of "Hawaii Five-0"?

You might want to try producing a few electrifying previews of the movie by showcasing an array of breathtaking special effects, massive explosions, excessive violence, scenes that involve sex, and hordes of profanity, because those seem to be the things that sell nowadays. Yet, I can't quite fathom "Hawaii Five-0" evolving into that '90s kind of twist. Then again, it would be unthinkable for a '90s production to exclude that '90s kind of twist. Gee, I can actually feel some curiosity simmering here.

Well, with all my whining, Tremaine had only this to say: "Ha, ha, ... never can tell, you know."

Sigh. Maybe this big-screen version isn't geared toward us young folk after all. Or is it? At any rate, if it'll bring Hawaii some needed attention, and if it'll help feed our unpredictable economy, what the heck, right?

Seriously, Mr. Producer, if you want us to dish out the almighty dollar on your production, for starters, you ought to try: "Hey, yo, cuz, book 'em, Danno!"

Warren A. Kaneshiro is 18 years old.

Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature allowing teens and young adults to serve up fresh perspective. Guys and girls speak up by fax at 523-8509; by answering machine at 525-8666; snail mail at P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com

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