Changing Hawaii
By Diane Yukihiro Chang
Friday, July 5, 1996
The haunting of
Marcie Llacuna's brother
BEN Llacuna admits to living on the edge of sanity. He is haunted by the presence of his dead sister, Marcie, and mourns his mother, Pat Avergonzado, who was also murdered on that awful day in December 1995. But while recovering from the media frenzy that surrounded his family's highly publicized tragedy, Ben still seethes with rage, hurt and, mostly, regret.
If only he had opted for a bite of lunch, Ben berates himself. But on Dec. 5, 1995, the 39-year-old Ewa Beach truck driver worked straight through his noon break instead of going to his mom's house in Village Park for a quick meal, as he sometimes did.
So many maybes. If he had stopped by, maybe Ben could have prevented Marcie's estranged boyfriend, John Lewis, from defying a temporary restraining order and entering through a window. Maybe Ben could have kept John from fatally shooting Marcie and her mother, before killing himself.
Unfortunately, maybes don't count much in the dice roll called life.
Thus Ben wallows in his guilt and anger, which are focused intermittently:
- Against the perpetrator. According to Ben, his mother - a big, strong lady - tried to stop John from entering a locked bedroom where Marcie and their infant son, Keoni, were hiding. John shot the 57-year-old woman, broke down the bedroom door, then murdered 26-year-old Marcie as she shielded the child. "To me, they both died as heroes," explained Ben, "because each was trying to protect her own baby."
- Against the media. The press, especially broadcast journalists, can be unrelenting in the pursuit of a scoop, Ben has learned. On arriving at the standoff scene, he began answering personal questions until noticing the interrogator was hiding a TV mike. One reporter tried to follow Ben's car home, and the Llacunas changed their telephone number because of repeated requests for interviews. "After it happened, we just wanted to sit back, lick our wounds and heal. But the media wouldn't let us," said Ben. "They should be more compassionate. To them, it's just a story. We're the ones who have to deal with the grief."
- On behalf of a child. The murder/suicide produced an orphan, Marcie's and John's now 1-year-old son, Keoni. But he is not forsaken. Ben and his wife, Francine, who have three other children, are legally adopting the boy who represents "the link to Marcie and Mom."
In fact, Marcie's supernatural presence is evident, according to family members. Sometimes they smell her cologne, watch closet doors open and shut by invisible fingers, and see her apparition in rooms that suddenly turn cold. "Her spirit is strong," says Ben, as he rubs the chicken skin on his forearms.
BEN Llacuna takes it one day at a time because it's the only way he can cope. Otherwise, he might be overwhelmed by the remembrance that his mother and sister are dead, that Keoni's father killed them, and that the upcoming holiday season - which should be a time of joy - will be the first anniversary of the Llacuna family's personal holocaust.
He cannot and will not forgive John Lewis for what he did. Nor does he forgive John's family for badmouthing Marcie after her death and trying to rationalize John's actions through media interviews.
Ah yes, the members of the press. Ben hopes that they never have to walk in his shoes - the ones balanced, so precipitously, on the edge of sanity.
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
DianeChang@aol.com, or by fax at 523-7863.