StarBulletin.com

Mental laundry list is not reduced due to single status


By

POSTED: Sunday, January 18, 2009

While at lunch with my girlfriends, I realized that my mind never stops moving. Here I was with a most enjoyable plate of eggplant parmesan and silly, delightful conversation. Yet, all I could think about was the list of things I had to do when the meal was over.

Whew! I never stay in the moment. I am always anticipating the next thing on my itinerary. Dessert? No. Kiss, kiss, we can do lunch again in two weeks.

I knew I had to get started on my list because before I knew it my mind would be planning out tomorrow.

Like many women, I have everyday things to do like cleaning the house, grocery shopping and the laundry. Unlike most of my friends, though, I do not have children or a husband to care for, so I am able to devote my time to things other than nurturing. Instead of taking kids to baseball practice, meeting mother-in-law for tea, pick up kids, going home, making dinner for husband and kissing kids goodnight, I have endless possibilities, which makes for a lot of chaos. My days are not so scheduled and structured. I can do practically anything I want to do—too many decisions.

Reasonably, my girlfriends get excited when their husbands go out of town. “;We should meet for drinks and go dancing,”; they say. It's like a minivacation for them, but it's just another day for me.

They can't wait for time alone, to enjoy the quiet or to do whatever they please. It's never vicious, just a relief. They need and love time to themselves.

This renews my appreciation for the solitude that I have. After all, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can tackle the things on my list without considering someone else's schedule—or feelings, for that matter. If I decide to hop over to Maui for a couple of days, I can do it with no one to answer to. How fortunate.

My mind fare ranges from miscellaneous reminders, to ambitious goals, to books. They might not all be life-altering, but they all require action: birthdays to remember, phone calls to return, decisions to make. Move home to California? No, stay here. Beach? No, run. Thai? No, ice cream. It is an unbelievably busy thoroughfare of thoughts. If my mind could make music, “;Flight of the Bumble Bee”; is what you'd hear.

At day's end I like to reflect on what I've accomplished in the preceding 15 or so hours. Then I go over what I have accomplished in my 29 years. Then what I still need to accomplish. I can't sleep until my mind quiets. Tick-tock. Then, before I know it, my brain is letting me know that the sun is almost up, that I need to go to that boutique and buy that bracelet for my mom's birthday, I have an English report due tonight and I need to schedule tai chi with my cousin. So, the day begins anew, and my mind is off to a crazy start. I hear it, that buzzing. The darn bumblebee is at it again.

 

Nicole Napuunoa works in the administrative department at the Transportation Security Administration and is pursuing degrees in political science and philosophy. ”;The Goddess Speaks”; is a feature by and about women. Essays of about 500 words may be sent to “;The Goddess Speaks,”; 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813; or e-mail .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).