Welcome to the Tuesday Lite Notebook, where we rip the little tags off of life that say “;Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law”; and fold, spindle and mutilate the issues of the day.

» Dang. Hawaii blew its chance to become the savior of the Earth and possibly the universe in general.

Hawaii Federal Judge Helen Gilmore dismissed a lawsuit by a Big Island man and a Spanish buddy of his who want to stop the new Large Hadron Collider on the French-Swiss border from smashing atoms. They're afraid that the super collider, the world's biggest yet, could create mini-black holes that could swallow up the Earth. Most scientists say the danger is too small to worry about. But worrywarts like Walter Wagner, a former nuclear safety officer who filed the suit with Luis Sancho, think when it comes to possible destruction of all mankind, even the smallest possibility is too much.

Gilmore didn't address that issue. She just threw out the case saying Hawaii's federal court doesn't have jurisdiction over what some scientists are doing on the French-Swiss border. Too bad. It would have been amusing to actually have a trial in the islands, dragging scientists from Europe here to explain just what the heck they were up to.

The good news is that due to technical difficulties, the possible end of the world has been put off until next year. The collider was to start smashing atoms next month but a rubber band broke or something so we got lucky there.

» Congrats to Maria and Andre Jacquemetton, two of my fellow former staff writers on “;Baywatch Hawaii,”; who won Emmys last week as writers on the sharp '60s drama “;Mad Men.”; That's the show about Madison Avenue in which everyone seems to smoke cigarettes, even in the shower. “;Mad Men”; also won an Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series, so Maria and Andre's jobs should be pretty secure. Unlike when we were part of the “;Baywatch Hawaii”; writing staff. We showed up at the Diamond Head studios one sunny morning to learn that one of the most popular shows on TV had shut down. I still claim it wasn't my fault.

Any of you with ambitions to write for TV will be elated to know that Maria will be coming to Hawaii next month to give a TV writing workshop at the University of Hawaii. (Call 956-8400 for details.)

I'll be running a special Honolulu Lite Extra next Tuesday on Maria and Andre, two of the nicest people you'll ever meet. And I'm not just kissing up. Really. Seriously.

» Why would a seemingly normal man want to try to sail completely around Oahu in a boat the size of a bathtub? For a good cause. My buddy Mark Denzer will attempt to be the first person to sail a tiny “;El Toro”; sailboat around the island to raise money to fight Parkinson's Disease. His father died from the disease this year. He says he'll make the trip as soon as the weather's right. To contribute go to parkinsons.org or call 842-3727.