IT'S easier to find a pig in a poke, a needle in a haystack and a parking spot at Ala Moana Center during the Christmas holidays than it is to find one of the 48,000 people who voted for Frank Fasi in the primary election. Fasi-ites wait
for marching ordersWhere are they? How do you hide 48,000 people? Try as you might, you have a better chance of finding a Bishop Estate trustee at a "We Love Margery Bronster" rally than uncover a Fasi supporter these days.
I suspect they are out there but that they are a bit shy. Now that the giddy, pre-election carnival atmosphere has dissipated like morning fog on a sunny day, happy, gamboling Fasi supporters have retreated to the nooks and crannies of the political rock face like crabs at low tide. (Shoot, I was hoping to squeeze one more tortured metaphor into that sentence.)
To hear hizzoner tell it, his supporters actually are more like one of those enormous Chinese terra cotta armies, standing dutifully by in their long, perfect ranks, ready to be ordered into the general election battle at Fasi's cry.
Their fearless leader has slunk out of the Republican camp at night and popped up at the Dole Cannery fortifications of his former enemies proclaiming his undying love, admiration and support. This was after the itinerate campaign junkie pledged his undying love, admiration and support for the Republicans.
I didn't see Fasi's Dole Cannery performance, but apparently he did everything but point at the camera in a Clintonesque manner and say, "Listen. I'm going to say this one more time. I did not pledge any professional campaign loyalty to that woman ... Miss Lingle ... or her party."
Which begs the question, are these thousands of hypothetical Fasi supporters as unfaithful, duplicitous and mercenary as their heretofore leader? I mean, are they merely political ronin, so lacking in a personal beliefs that they will charge whatever political earthworks Fasi dictates?
That is what we are supposed to believe. But I figured the only way to find out was to flush one or two of these Fasi fanatics out of the brush. That's not at easy as it sounds.
USING a scent-tracking dog named Buck and some used Fasi fund-raiser tickets, I found myself outside a little cabin in the Koolaus. There was a shout from the cabin: "Halt, or I'll vote."
Who will you vote for? I asked.
"Don't know yet," the voice said. "Still waiting for orders."
Which party do you like?
"Don't know. Haven't been told," he shouted.
Can't you figure out who to vote for on your own?
"No."
If you could vote for anyone, who would it be?
"Dunno."
Who have you voted for before?
"The generalissimo."
Fasi?
"Generalissimo, is that you?"
No, I was just asking ...
"Supreme Commander, tell me who to vote for. My brain hurts."
I'm not Fasi.
"Who are you? What is the password? What have you done with the Generalissimo?"
I left the cabin a little depressed. If there were 47,999 other voters like this guy out there in the woods, maybe Fasi really could deliver them to the Ben Cayetano camp. It was sad to believe that in this day and age, one person could wield so much power: nearly 50,000 votes based on pure, blind loyalty. If this guy was any indication, this vast hidden Fasi army is a souless, uninformed mass ready to selflessly do Fasi's bidding.
I just couldn't let that happen. I returned to the cabin.
"Halt or I'll vote," the guy yelled again.
It's me, I said. The generalisimo sent me. He said, vote Libertarian.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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