MEN, prepare yourself for a mind-blowing concept. It may traumatize. It may even anger. Some might assume that I am kidding, but I'm not. The time has come to retire a long-established social practice that is archaic and demeaning in this enlightened age. Let's kiss this sexist
greeting good-byeReady? Brace yourself, because here it comes: Don't automatically kiss a woman on the cheek as a form of salutation.
Whoa! That collective gasp of incredulity was deafening. That's right, gentlemen, and some ladies, too. All women do NOT necessarily want to be greeted with a bear hug and a peck on the side of the face.
Incredible but true. Let me explain.
The struggle for equal opportunity has been long and painful. It was only 75 years ago that women were given the right to vote in this country. They are still overworked, underpaid and exploited all over the world.
But they have come a long way, baby. Women have made inroads in every business and profession, in sports and academics. They are the heads of governments, corporations, universities and single-parent families.
They boast impressive accomplishments and credentials. They are powerful, capable and driven.
Yet how are they greeted on meeting many of their male counterparts? You guessed it: kissy, kissy. It's no longer a sweet gesture. It's fundamentally debasing.
Here's a handy rule of thumb. Don't assume all women expect a chivalrous introduction.
Look at their body language. Are they presenting their palms toward you in a vertical angle? This means they want to shake your hand.
Conversely, if they approach you with lips puckered and arms spread out like a bird in flight, a hello smooch is definitely on the agenda.
Is this helpful? I hope so, because it's painful to see women presidents, legislators, civic leaders and VIPs being subjected to the mandatory "I-Male, You-Female" welcome and farewell in public.
When a man acknowledges another man, do they automatically hug and kiss? Only if they are really good friends or totally plastered. So why assume all women want to be treated like somebody's mother?
On the contrary: Many women want to interact in a professional and dignified manner, especially in a businesslike setting and particularly since they do represent over half the work force.
This is NOT a hard and fast rule. There are many people, men and women, whom you may be very close to and are especially fond of. There are special occasions -- like weddings, parties and funerals -- where social etiquette is conquered by strong emotion. Family members are usually fair game as well.
But in this day of sexual harassment, discrimination and political correctness, it doesn't hurt to be observant. And sensitive.
If in doubt, don't. Because if you are wrong, an inappropriate greeting may convey an underlying message that is condescending and even offensive.
END of sermon. But just the beginning, I hope, of a brand new awareness.
When you hug and kiss a female whom you don't know very well, without regard to her wishes or reaction, you may be unintentionally dissing her. You're acknowledging her gender instead of her self worth. You're pointing out to her and the world that -- foremost in your eyes -- she is a woman.
Believe me, she and the world already know.
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
DianeChang@aol.com, or by fax at 523-7863.