IT was soooo sad to say goodbye to America's (Most Wanted) Team Yes, the Dallas Cowboys can sit back and watch the NFL playoff games from the comfort of their homes - or, in some cases, their cellblocks.
Good riddance to the Niners and Cowboys
Man, I wouldn't want to be at Erik Williams' house to watch Sunday's football games.
"Hello, Erik, this is Fitz returning your call. Thanks for the invitation, lad, but me and my date will watch the games somewhere considerably safer than your mansion - like the Hell's Angels clubhouse or maybe with the Crips and Bloods."
Yikes. I'd hate to be sitting there in the living room of Williams' pad if Michael Irvin had a halftime bet that didn't come through.
Blammo! There goes the picture tube with one tug of the trigger.
The best odds of the weekend are that the Dallas cops will be at Erik's front door faster than Domino's or Pizza Hut.
And here comes big ol' Leon Lett down the driveway with the pregame snacks.
Those straws sticking out of his bag? Well, they ain't for sodas or milkshakes, folks, you can bet on that.
The girlfriends and wives are driving up. But why do they have their tops off? Oh, it's not the girlfriends and wives. And one of them has what looks like a channel changer in her hand. Wow.
And here's Troy Aikman showing up to lend his support. But he's screaming at his limo driver for taking the wrong route - even though Aikman was actually driving.
Is that Jerry Jones and Barry Switzer walking arm-in-arm down the lane or is it Beavis and
Butt-head come to life? It's hard to tell the difference.
OK, OK. I better lighten up before Mark Tuinei shows up here at the newspaper office and decides that I should be a tackling dummy for a few hours.
AND good riddance to the aging and overrated 49ers as well.
Thanks for showing up in Green Bay, guys. You thought Candlestick Park - or whatever its sellout corporate name is now - gets cold? The Bay Area is like Bermuda compared to the upper Midwest in the winter.
Eddie DeBartolo is sure a fine example, taking a poke at a fan on the way out. It's funny that no charges have been pressed against the 49ers owner, although the Green Bay county sheriff sure looks sporty behind the wheel of that brand-new BMW.
Yes, my jealousy as a lifelong and seasonally tortured Chicago Bears fan is showing through. But it was still fun to see the Cowboys and Niners get KO'd in one weekend.
Speaking of tackling dummies, let's get on with a few more dumb predictions from yours truly.
Yes, I'll admit it. My preseason Super Bowl pick was the, gulp, Detroit Lions. My only excuse is that half-gallon of cheap wine that I chugged before making such an idiotic choice.
I did hit 13 out of 18 college bowl games, though, so there is hope for the new year.
And I easily won our fine Football Fever celebrity contest for the second year in a row, thanks to another season of excellent advice from my advisory panel of bartenders, taxi drivers and exotic dancers.
As always, however, the mandatory warning from the Surgeon General: Don't bet your favorite auntie or uncle on the following predictions. They are FOR AMUSEMENT ONLY.
NFC Championship: This is easy money, folks. Brett Favre and the Packers are licking their frozen chops waiting for the Carolina slickers to show up.
Packers 28, Panthers 7.
AFC Championship: This lousy match-up - a championship game with two teams that have 12 defeats between them - is a bit tougher to pick. Either way, the winner will get the chance to embarrass the AFC for another year by getting clobbered in the Super Bowl.
Patriots 31, Jaguars 28.