Changing Hawaii
By Diane Yukihiro Chang
Friday, April 12, 1996
"Is this Diane Chang?"
"Yes, how can I help you?"
"I don't want to give my name. But I think you should know what some people in Hawaii are saying about you."
"OK, what?"
"That you're not a nice person."
(Expectant pause.) "Uh, huh. Go on."
"No, that's it! That you're not very nice! Aren't you upset?"
"Why should I be upset?"
There is stunned silence in response, so I launch into my explanation. "You must be under the mistaken impression that women want to be thought of as nice in modern-day society. Maybe in the bad old days, but that is changing. Life is not a popularity contest.
"The dictionary defines nice as the quality of being pleasing and agreeable. Well, the problem is that too many women are still being judged on how unthreatening or femi nine they are instead of how smart, deter mined and self-reliant.
"Do you think strong women like state Attorney General Margery Bronster or Senate Ways and Means Chairwoman Donna Ikeda care if people think they're not nice? Big deal. They're more concerned about enforcing the law or cutting the state budget rather than whether they're adequately currying favor.
"Do you want female police officers to be congenial or to catch criminals? Do you want women fire fighters who are dainty or damned capable when answering the alarm at your burning building? There's no question, when it comes to these life-saving profession als, that gender isn't important, is it?
"Then how about applying that same non- sexist expectation to other roles in society? Why are women still overrepresented in ser vice-oriented jobs? Why does a wife/mother inevitably do more around the house than a husband/father, when both are bringing home paychecks? Because it's wimmin's work.
"Nice girls aren't supposed to complain, either. Incidents of rape, sexual harassment, domestic violence and discrimination appear to have greatly increased in this country but they haven't … they are simply being reported more often than in the past.
"Historically, when women were the victims of crime, they were reluctant to prosecute. Don't make trouble, they were told. So they started to believe it. They convinced them selves that maybe the boss does have the right to pinch them on the okole, or that hubby can beat them up.
"Even today, scum like date rapists are difficult to convict. A typical jury has a hard time finding sympathy for the complainant. Nice girls aren't supposed to go to a guy's apartment in the first place. They shouldn't have the option of saying no after hugging and kissing.
"But that double-standard must end, or future generations of girls will continue to represent the biggest oppressed majority in the world. It must start with the individual. Until every female realizes that she has the right to health, happiness and hope, she re mains a prisoner of expectations.
"That's why, in my mind, being nice is not a coveted personality trait in these trying times. Remember the saying, 'Nice guys finish last'? Well, nice gals finish behind them.
"So go ahead and call me civil. Think that I'm compassionate, polite or fair. But please, don't EVER say I'm nice . . . "
A click is followed by the drone of a dial tone, so I shrug and hang up.
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday. She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at DianeChang@aol.com, or by fax at 523-7863.