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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger
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Many people into Googling themselves
I have a confession to make: I Google myself. I know, a lot of people Google themselves. But I'm afraid I've become a compulsive self-Googler. I used to Google myself every few months, and now I Google myself daily.
Some experts encourage people to Google themselves. Robert Vamosi, senior editor of CNET Reviews, says it is important to Google yourself to "see what the Internet knows about you." And you might be surprised what the Internet knows about you. Your Social Security number and other private information could be floating all over the Internet. Your phone number definitely will be there, along with, not only your home address, but a nice Google or Yahoo map telling people how to get to your house.
And it's a good idea to Google yourself if you've applied for a job or filed to run for public office, because you can bet your future ex-boss or your opponent in the election will be Googling the hell out of you. You're going to want to know what they know.
I'm sorry to say I don't Google myself for security reasons. People can't find my house even when I give them directions. The only visitors I get are rock-wall builders and Jehovah's Witnesses. I Google myself for the worst reason, just for the kick of it. I know, that's extremely self-indulgent. But it doesn't hurt anyone. Googling yourself is a safe, entertaining way to amuse yourself in the privacy of your own home. I mean, it's not like you are going to go blind or anything.
You probably shouldn't Google yourself in public even if you have a laptop and a wireless connection. I saw a guy Googling himself in a Starbucks. How pathetic is that? Dude, chicks don't like seeing guys Google themselves. It's like you're saying, "Hey, look what a fascinating guy I am! I'm all over the Internet! Wanna see my MySpace page?"
If you want chicks to think you're cool, let them catch you Googling philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. You can't go wrong Googling Nietzsche in public.
Ladies, this Googling yourself in public ban goes for you, too. Guys will just think you are shallow and self-consumed. If you get caught Googling yourself by some guy with a frappuccino who's looking over your shoulder, just tell him you are checking for outstanding warrants. And ask him if he's a cop. That will make you seem interesting. And probably cause him to leave you alone.
Googling yourself really is a type of soul-searching. Nietzsche said, "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you." And meant it. You can't stare into a bigger abyss than the Internet. When self-Googling, be prepared to learn something about yourself you didn't know. Like, you owe $8,234 in fines for that library book you never returned in high school.
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or
online at any book retailer. E-mail him at
cmemminger@starbulletin.com