Net novelties make horseplay epic spectacle
As we began to address last week, Digital Slobs have an almost supernatural ability to combat the late-summer blahs.
Actually, we treat goofing-off season like an Olympic event. We train year-round, hours and hours a day, just so when TV goes into reruns and politics spirals into its deepest form of vacuous dementia, we'll be ready to salvage our sanity when it counts.
We have the cunning, the specialized training and the motivation to defeat boredom, just like James Bond, minus his contractual obligation to go shirtless somewhere between the first and second acts (in fact, some of us have signed agreements that expressly forbid such displays).
So here are a few more Web sites that can help you kill time before time kills you:
Passiveaggressivenotes.com: This site combines the timeless joy of complaining via notes on the fridge about your roommate's creative housekeeping with new, 21st-century tools like camera phones and a blog. It chronicles various examples of snotty complaints, and often snottier retorts, painted with every sarcastic hue in our lexicon's spectrum. Example posted on a bulletin board: "(Band) requires drummer for regular gigging. Previous applicants may apply again. Except Graham." Another favorite from a coffee shop restroom: "The barista who cleans this restroom also makes your coffee. Their mood determines the quality of your coffee. Thanks!"
Consumerist.com: Face it, in these hard economic times, when it comes to customer satisfaction, some major service sectors are becoming emotional basket cases. At this point, if the airline industry had a baby, Kevin Federline would be granted sole custody. Keeping that in mind, this blog, subtitled "Shoppers Bite Back," examines the woes of consumers and offers tools and strategies to stop the cycle of abuse.
Dreammoods.com: Since I was a kid, I've had this recurring dream where a gorilla chases me around the living room while I try to protect a tuna sandwich. Thanks to this online dream dictionary, I now know the ape represents my "wild nature and repressed sexual energy," and the sandwich represents a conflict between my "spiritual beliefs and what is practical," in this case my spiritual connections to tuna sandwiches versus my practical need to avoid gorillas.
Sleep, dream, remember, then check out this Web site, and soon your life will suddenly make complete sense to you and only you -- but still, you.
Smithmag.net/sixwords: Sure, you could write your 80,000-word life story and try to hawk it to publishers or, even more humbling, lug the 6-pound manuscript around your network of acquaintances just to see who your real friends aren't, but why put on the literary performance of a lifetime only to play to an empty house?
Abridge that tome and bring it to the masses. This site challenges the world's best summarizers to boil their whole lives down to just six words, and it is quite illuminating. Expect to read funny ones like, "English major. You do the math"; jarring ones like, "Little brother becomes my daughter's molester"; and my personal favorite (because it's mine), "Married Russian. Brush teeth with vodka."