L.A. suburb boosts Vegas and Hawaii
Welcome to the Honolulu Lite Tuesday Notebook (where we make hoochie but not coochie with attractive news items of the day).
» Los Angeles Times columnist Steve Harvey recently noted a curious sight in the city of Hawaiian Gardens: An electronic sign saying "Las Vegas -- 274 miles." Steve apparently was surprised that Hawaiian Gardens would urge visitors to visit somewhere else. (I was surprised that there's a city named Hawaiian Gardens in Southern California. I know, I don't get out much.)
But I told Steve I didn't think it strange for Hawaiian Gardens to promote Las Vegas. Hawaii does it all the time. In fact, Las Vegas is considered a suburb of Honolulu. (Just head toward Hawaii Kai and keep driving east.) I did a little research and found out that Hawaiian Gardens got its name from a bootlegger who sold hooch (not hoochie-coochie) to farmers from a palm frond-roofed shack during Prohibition, sort of like how Waikiki got started. My question for all the smarty-pants out there is, Do any actual Hawaiians live in Hawaiian Gardens, Calif.?
» The L.A. Times also had a story bragging that Los Angeles is home to 24 billionaires, which puts it in sixth place among world cities with the most billionaires, according to Forbes magazine. The city with the most billionaires is Moscow, and Tokyo is No. 10. How can Hawaii not be on that list? I mean, a two-bedroom house in Hawaii with hot- and cold-running geckos costs $1.5 million! We must have tons of billionaires. At least as many as Mumbai, India (No. 7).
» Look for screams of "Unfair!" about the Department of Education's plan to issue "Super Diplomas" to high-achieving students. Such super-diplomas obviously will make regular old diplomas just that much less valuable. I mean, right now you can't even get a job at Burger King with a regular high school diploma. The idea of issuing super-diplomas seems to be a tacit admission by school officials that the current diplomas aren't worth the sheepskin they aren't printed on. Here's an idea: Why not just make it harder to get a regular diploma instead of graduating kids who really don't deserve it? You aren't doing them any favors sending them out the door with a "Diploma Lite."
» I received a press release promoting "The Pocket Guide to Mischief." There's a picture of a slingshot on the cover. What? No eggs? I thought after what happened in Lanikai last week that throwing eggs was the really cool mischief these days. I'm all for -- well, sort of for -- free speech, but if kids can't figure out how to create mischief on their own, they shouldn't have books telling them how to do it.
FREE-BOOK REMINDER: Remember to e-mail me the weirdest, most amazing true feat you've ever accomplished (either on purpose or by accident) that did not result in any injuries to children or small furry animals. (See Sunday's "Honolulu Lite" online at starbulletin.com). The tellers of the best two tales will receive copies of my book, "Hey Waiter, There's an Umbrella in My Drink!"
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or online
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