Egging shows vandalism is going retro
Hawaii residents are still reacting with anger and amazement to last weekend's outrageous egging of million-dollar houses in posh Lanikai by a carload of high school football players. And it was outrageous. I mean, have you seen the price of eggs these days? What will vandals think of next? Pelting the houses with quarts of imported milk and silver ingots?
Lanikai homeowner Gerard Jervis still faces charges for jumping into his BMW and chasing down the egg throwers, which allegedly resulted in the getaway SUV crashing into a perfectly good telephone pole. Jervis' blood-alcohol level reportedly was above the legal limit for driving (I believe the legal limit these days is the amount of alcohol contained in a single cocktail onion). As comedian Andy Bumatai pointed out recently on his nightly talk show, crime today is a battle of acronyms. The more acronyms involved, the more serious the crime. (Just FYI: In the Lanikai case, HPD investigated ASAP an MVA between a BMW and an SUV in which a suspected DUI luckily didn't result in a DOA.)
More interesting, since Jervis was home when the egging happened, this could be the first case of "road rage" ever to start on a living room couch. If you have to leave your home to engage in a road-rage encounter, it's not worth it.
I know serious issues are involved here. But I'm ashamed to say that in these days of drive-by shootings and gang violence, I thought the fact that these kids were throwing eggs was kind of, well, charming. It was a throwback, so to speak, to the past. First we'll egg some houses, then we'll go to the hop, do the hokeypokey and then bob for some apples.
And unlike times when idiots "tag" your fence or wall with spray paint, at least raw egg can be cleaned up with a hose. (Ethology question: If wild animals like hyenas and dingoes couldn't mark their territory with urine, would they use Krylon Purple Semi-Gloss?)
There was bound to be an overreaction to the Lanikai incident. Already on KSSK radio's "Perry and Price Show," tons of listeners were calling to say how rampant such vandalism is. Many applauded Jervis taking the law into his allegedly inebriated hands. Vandalism clearly breeds vigilantism, vengeance, vituperation and other serious "v" words.
And, never missing a chance to overreact, I wouldn't be surprised if the state Legislature pushes a bill through this session ordering a five-day waiting period on the purchase of eggs. While they are at it, they'd better extend that waiting period to toilet paper. Because if vandalism is going retro, it won't be long before homeowners find their yards "TP'd." And, God forbid, should things get any worse, they could find themselves the targets of kids who push their doorbell and, gasp, run. Note to Lanikai Neighborhood Board: Post a 400-pound security guard with a digital camera at the only entrance/exit to the neighborhood. Problem solved.
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