Quick, guys! Flee to the Man Cave!
The latest social trend -- and one that women will no doubt squash like a bug when they realize what's going on -- is the Man Cave.
Men have apparently decided to claim a portion of their homes for the exclusive use of themselves and their buddies, decorated in that tacky, Third World way that only men can do. There's even a TV show on the DYI channel devoted to these sanctuaries. The typical Man Cave comes equipped with a big-screen TV, comfy chairs, beer refrigerators and various sports implements. But Man Caves are becoming more elaborate, thanks to such shows as the DYI program, which instruct guys on how to turn their caves into poker rooms, fantasy sports bars, pool halls and, I presume, computer-nerd dungeons.
When I first heard about Man Caves, I thought it sounded a little strange. Remember when men suddenly started going out into the woods, getting half-naked and banging on drums? It was supposed to be a "male-bonding" thing. But I think if you'd rather be out half-naked in the woods with other men finger-painting each other's bodies than trying to pick up chicks at a bar, well, maybe your interest in fellas runs a little deeper than you thought.
But the Man Cave thing is more of a flashback to when men were boys and built forts and treehouses and put up signs that said "No Girls Allowed!" Men do need to have their own space, even in their own homes. They need a retreat where they can monopolize the TV remote without fear of rebuke and watch four TV shows at once (a skill that women, for some reason, lack). They need a place where they can have friends over to drink beer without "someone" coming by and putting coasters under the bottles. Batman had the Bat Cave, so why can't a man have a Man Cave?
One reason is that in Hawaii, housing space is so tight that most homes don't have the extra room needed for exclusive use of a man. The best that most men in Hawaii can do is claim that little space behind the couch. But it's hard to watch a football game from there, let alone play pool.
The other reason Man Caves might be a short-lived trend is that women just aren't going to put up with it. You need your space? Sit out in the carport. You aren't going to leave pizza crust, chicken-wing bones and empty beer cans for days in one room of the house simply because it's your Man Cave. Roaches will stray from the cave, dude.
Nevertheless, I want to know how popular Man Caves are in Hawaii. I mean, are men actually getting away with this? So, if you have a Man Cave, e-mail me a photo of your lair with a description of its attributes. We'll run the best photos and testimonials in an upcoming "Honolulu Lite Extra."
If you don't have a Man Cave but want one, I have one suggestion (and it has nothing to do with drywall): Ask permission from your mate first. That might not sound manly, but trust me, it will cut down on domestic discord and possible homicide.
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or online
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