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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger
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Termites send us on Waikiki minivacation
We had our house termite tented with some trepidation because there was the possibility that when all the termites were dead and unable to hold hands anymore, the house would come tumbling down. But it had to be done. Aside from the termites, the house had become something of an entomological curiosity, a sort of Noah's Ark of insects. The final straw was when a tianus giganteus longimanus, better known as the "giant South American screaming beetle," woke me up one night and asked for directions to the kitchen.
The good news was that because of the termite treatment, my wife and I got to stay in Waikiki for a few nights. Here are some slides of our trip:
» Here's us packing up all our food in the kitchen. Everything goes! Wow. The back of the refrigerator looks like a science experiment! I should have filed an environmental impact statement. Here's me saying goodbye to a frozen turkey that had been in our freezer since the Ariyoshi administration. It was kind of like a pet.
» Here are "da boys" starting to put the blue termite tent over the house. See termites and geckos waving and making faces through the living room window? Ho, ho. We'll see who gets the last laugh.
» Here's the grand old Ilikai Hotel with its blue-paneled lanais. It's being renovated so it's kind of hectic around there. But the remodeled rooms are great. I thought I saw the ghost of Jack Lord on the roof fussing with his hair.
» Here's a shot from our lanai of the Hilton Hawaiian lagoon undergoing renovation. Looks like a big sandbox. They say when the lagoon is completed you might even be able to SWIM in it.
» Here are the Air Force Thunderbirds flying by the Ala Wai Boat Harbor at Mach 86. Well, that's the tail of one of them. They're hard to catch on film. Fast. And noisy. Heard an elephant at the zoo got so scared when the jets zoomed by, it took a poo. Poor thing. I know the feeling.
» Here's us in the famous glass elevator going to Sarento's restaurant at the Top of the I. Amazing ride. Kind of scary. Your stomach gets there five minutes after you do. I think I made eye contact with one of the Thunderbird pilots as he went by.
» Here's Paul Conrad playing piano at Sarento's. Great guy. Tested his playing range by requesting Pachelbel's "Cannon in D" and Mr. Rogers' "Itsy Bitsy Spider." Wonder how those spiders at home are doing. Ho, ho.
» Here's Granny Goose (aka George Groves) buying us drinks at the Top of the I. I think he lives there. We try to sneak out when he's talking to the piano player, but he catches us. More drinks.
» Here's us returning home with ice packs on our heads. Thanks, Granny. There are 27 dead cockroaches in the garage but no tianus giganteus longimanus to speak of. He must have "bugged out." Ho, ho.
» Here's a dead gecko still clinging to the living room wall. Do they have good grip or what? Don't hear any termites laughing now, though. Ho, ho.
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or
online at any book retailer. E-mail him at
cmemminger@starbulletin.com