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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger
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Our county lines are wet and deep
Last time I checked, Maui and Kauai were counties in the state of Hawaii, not sovereign countries that get to decide who crosses their borders.
But when the new Superferry tried to dock at Nawiliwili Harbor last week, self-appointed border guards on surfboards blocked its way. And when cars on a previous trip were able to disembark, they were met by the self-appointed Garden Isle Gestapo, pounding on the cars and screaming at the occupants.
It's interesting that you never see, say, Sonoma County residents in California blocked from crossing the county line simply because the people of Napa County don't like their mode of transportation. ("Nobody can enter Napa County riding in a Super Bus! We don't want your kind 'round these parts!")
And that pretty much seems to be the problem with the Superferry. It's not that the good people of Kauai and Maui don't want their fellow Hawaii residents to enter their county or even that they don't want their fellow residents' automobiles to cross the border.
Honolulu County residents enter Kauai and Maui counties all the time by way of airplanes and boats. And cars are shipped every day into those counties by way of barges. It's just that people from other counties aren't allowed to cross the border WITH their cars. If you ship your car to Kauai on a barge and then take an Aloha Airlines flight over and meet up with it later, I guess that's OK. But you can't travel together!
Along the U.S.-Mexican border, self-appointed guards called the Minutemen have taken it upon themselves to turn back illegal emigrants. I suppose you could call the Kauai border brigade Menehunemen. The Menehunemen decide what form of transportation people are allowed to employ to enter the county where the Menehunemen live. Jet airplanes are OK. Propeller planes, too. Sailboats. Cool. Fishing boats. Sure. Cruise ships. Fine. Boats that carry people AND cars ... ARE YOU CRAZY? We don't want your kind 'round these parts!
As I understand it, the Superferry had all of the proper state and federal permits and licenses to carry people and cars from county to county in Hawaii. (A Maui judge will determine if an additional piece of paper -- an environmental impact report -- is needed to continue service to that county.)
Surprisingly, Hawaii is the only state in the Union where anyone would even suggest that you need an environmental impact study just to cross county lines. So the Superferry was legally able to cross those county lines, until the judge issued a temporary restraining order for Maui and the Menehunemen on Kauai objected to a type of watercraft that carries both people and vehicles at the same time.
Strangely, the Menehunemen I saw on TV look nothing like the indigenous people of Kauai. They looked pretty much like young haoles who came to Kauai County from somewhere else. (Napa?) Hey, who was watching the border when these guys snuck over?
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or
online at any book retailer. E-mail him at
cmemminger@starbulletin.com