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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger
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‘Making A’ on YouTube is inevitable
Tuesday Lite Notebook (wherein we knock the metaphorical dew off the metaphorical lilies, the lilies being discussion-worthy events of the day and the dew representing ... Ah, never mind. ... Metaphors are stupid. In fact, I never met a metaphor I didn't hate):
» Thanks to the Internet video site YouTube, no one unlucky enough to be caught on camera doing or saying something idiotic is safe from being subjected to national ridicule. Case in point: Miss South Carolina attempting to answer a question during the recent Miss Teen USA pageant. Asked why she thought recent polls show that one-fifth of Americans can't find the United States on a map, the unfortunate 17-year-old blonde said, "I personally believe U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation that don't have maps. I believe our education, such as, in South Africa and Iraq, everywhere, such as, I believe they should have our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or South Africa and Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future."
The scariest thing about this, such as, is she finished, such as, third runner-up in the contest. Such as, the current state of U.S. Americans' education. (See the video by typing "South Carolina Answers Question" in any Net search box.)
» A faithful "Lite" reader planning a trip to Alaska, such as, sent me the itinerary provided by a travel booking company which included interesting tidbits about places he would visit, such as this description of Juneau: "Named for gold prospector, Joe Juneau, it's the only state capital that is accessible solely by air and sea." Hmmm, I think there might be ONE other state capital, such as, that meets that criterion.
» German scientists claim they have disproved Einstein's claim that, such as, nothing can exceed the speed of light. They say they caused "energetic packets of light" to break the light speed record. I'm no Miss South Carolina, but wouldn't "packets of light" essentially be "light"? And whatever speed "packets of light" go, wouldn't that, such as, be the "speed of light"? And why do scientists care so much about the speed of light, instead of another important threshold, such as the speed of smell?
» Star-Bulletin cartoonist Corky Trinidad has drawn more than 43 million cartoons in his 93 years at this paper. And yet he still cranks out cartoons faster than the speed of hearing. And it ticks me off. I've been trying to think of, such as, something funny to say about the new Hawaii Superferry, which is being welcomed with open lawsuits by the neighbor islands. But Corky beat me to it with the perfect commentary: a drawing of cars being stopped coming off the Superferry at a certain island with the caption, "Maui No Ahoy." Grrrrrr. Such as, the little guy is amazing.
» Random observation: Why do people say, 'When pigs fly' ... as if pigs can't already fly? With the use of, such as, proper equipment, such as a catapult or a medieval trebuchet, they fly quite far.
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or
online at any book retailer. E-mail him at
cmemminger@starbulletin.com