Fascist shelter operators bully homeless
I don't know why it came as a surprise that many homeless people would rather live on the beach than submit themselves to a government-run homeless shelter where they have to abide by rules, seek counseling for their problems and generally behave like zoo animals. (Actually, zoo animals have it better because they get to live in a great park next to Waikiki Beach and get fed for free, too.) What's next for the homeless? Being forced to get a job just because the state is providing a roof over their heads? Sheesh.
The only way government is going to solve the homeless problem is to put in the facilities that the homeless want. And where they want. Take your average 34-year-old haole homeless guy from Chicago. You think he came all the way to Hawaii to be stuck in some shelter miles from everywhere, a place where he can't drink, smoke and party hearty? No, mate, he came to Hawaii for the fine weather and the beaches. If he wanted to get a job and live indoors, he would have stayed in the Windy City.
Now, not all homeless people living on the beaches are from out of state. But plenty are, and they have a right to be unemployed in Hawaii. They have a right to flop down wherever they want, just like someone born and raised here. The beach parks belong to the public, the people, and people without homes have a right to live there. (Where's Che Guevara when you need him? Viva la casa-less!)
Homeless beach dwellers shouldn't have to bend to the whims of the fascist shelter managers. If you want homeless in shelters, then put the shelters where the homeless are: on the beach. And not some rocky, crummy beach in the middle of nowhere. Would you want to live at Kaena Point? Put the shelter on a nice beach, near a gas station with restrooms and a 7-Eleven where a quart of beer can be had for a fair price. In fact, put the beer concession on the beach by the shelter. And instead of a shelter, erect some nice homeless beach bungalows. And forget the gas station, put a restroom in each homeless bungalow. And build the homeless bungalows with a nice big deck where a tent can be erected should homeless guests drop by.
Once the homeless bungalows are built, chase the tourist riffraff from the beaches and parks. Would you want a bunch of tourists hanging around your homeless bungalow? And take down all those park signs that say "No Drinking, No Smoking, No Fires, No Frisbee and No Fun." The homeless deserve to drink and smoke and throw Frisbees as much as the next guy. They're citizens, too, you know.
Once mainlanders find out the homeless in Hawaii live on beaches for free in homeless beach bungalows, Hawaii could become the homeless capital of the country. And it should. Why should only rich Hawaii homeowners and people who work for a living hog all the beaches and sunshine? They don't own it. The people do. People who need people. And beaches, too.
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or online
at any book retailer. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org