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Sidelines
Kalani Simpson
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ESPN’s ‘Who’s Now’ winning ratings race for must-not-see TV
A lot of people are working themselves into a lot of aggravation doing a lot of complaining about ESPN's apparently preposterous segment "Who's Now."
It's true. Commentators are pushing each other aside to foam at the mouth over how bad it is. Columnists are killing it. One blog said another blog called it "soul-crushingly lame." Even Newsweek -- Newsweek! -- got into the act.
"... Watching it is like chewing Styrofoam," the serious-news magazine said. Must have been a slow week in Iraq or on Capitol Hill.
I haven't seen "Who's Now," because, well, it sounds stupid. But it's tough to imagine working up too intense a level of indignation against it. I mean, relax. Ignore it and it will go away.
(I think I caught about 2.5 seconds of it while channel flipping. It seemed to be some kind of panel discussion featuring Adam Sandler wearing embarrassing facial hair and a T-shirt. Yes, I also have embarrassing facial hair and favor T-shirts. But I'm not on television. I kept flipping.)
Isn't the concept itself -- Who's More Now? -- ridiculous enough to impart some level of enjoyment, even if unintentionally? It sounds like something out of that scene from the movie "Spaceballs."
Just imagine, the ESPN planning meeting must have gone something like this:
DARK HELMET: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
COL. SANDERS: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
HELMET: What happened to then?
SANDERS: We passed then.
HELMET: When?
SANDERS: Just now. We're at now, now.
HELMET: Go back to then.
SANDERS: When?
HELMET: Now.
SANDERS: Now?
HELMET: Now.
SANDERS: I can't.
HELMET: Why?
SANDERS: We missed it.
HELMET: When?
SANDERS: Just now.
HELMET: When will then be now?
SANDERS: Soon.
HELMET: How soon?
CORPORAL: Sir.
HELMET: What?
CORPORAL: We've identified their location.
HELMET: Where?
CORPORAL: It's the Moon of Vega.
SANDERS: Good work. Set a course, and prepare for our arrival.
HELMET: When?
CORPORAL: Nineteen-hundred hours, sir.
SANDERS: By high noon, tomorrow, they will be our prisoners.
HELMET: Whoooo?!
Now that's something I would watch (now) (or at least soon). Frankly, I have a hard time believing the actual show doesn't inevitably fall into exactly that same kind of cadence.
Or at least that's how I like to imagine how "Who's Now" must go. And I think anyone who insists on being offended by its existence should imagine it that way, too. If you're one of those who hate it, watch it on mute and hear the above dialogue in your head. See? This isn't so bad. Forget having Adam Sandler on the panel. They should have invited Mel Brooks.