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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger
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New rule: No vacations while at war
When I heard that the Iraqi parliament was planning to take a two month vacation this summer I almost fell off my barstool. (When not involved in the professional investigation of humor for this space, I sometimes can be found fighting the war on terror from a bar stool. If more people fought terror by sitting on bar stools, the world would be a safer place.)
Our men and women in the military are dying every day to give those Iraqi knuckleheads a chance to form their first democratic government in the history of ... well, in history. And they are going to go on vacation? Hey, fellas, go to Disney World AFTER you have formed your new country. Here's a tip not just for Iraq, but for any country: If car bombs set off by suicidal idiots are blowing up in your streets several times a day -- no vacation. For anyone. President, legislator, kebab peddlers, street cleaners ... nobody.
The Iraqi legislature going on vacation at a critical point in forming their country is like an attending doctor taking a vacation in the middle of a childbirth.
Vacation in the middle of a war? Where could the Iraqis have gotten such a stupid idea in their heads? Oh, yeah, from George W. Bush. He took a month of vacation at his Texas ranch last year. His aides said it was a "working vacation," that he was still conducting the very important business of being president while chopping brush. (Bush chops a lot of brush down at Crawford. I'm not sure what kind of a ranch it is, but it seems like a brush ranch. "Why, we raised 10,000 head of brush last year, pard.")
I'M NOT A Bush basher. (Or a brush basher.) The hatred of Bush by the "left" has become pathological. I like Bush. But, like a lot of 'Merkins, I've had it up to here with this "war." If we are at war, let's fight the damn thing. 'Til we win. No vacations for anybody (in government) until the war is over.
Where's Teddy Roosevelt when you need him? When he heard the United States was going to war with Spain in 1898, he quit his job as assistant secretary of the Navy, put together his own cavalry unit and went to Cuba to fight. And he kept fighting until the war was over. He didn't take a freakin' vacation. You notice none of the people whose faces are on Mount Rushmore were big vacation-takers.
I want Bush's butt in the Oval Office every single day fighting this war we're in, both in Iraq and against the terrorists who attacked us. I don't care if the Queen of England shows up on the doorstep. Sorry, Queenie-baby, no white-tie dinners ... my country's at war and so am I. Now, get the carriage off the lawn.
And, if the Iraqi parliament goes on vacation, so should our troops. If one American soldier is killed while the government of Iraq is on vacation, it would be a moral outrage.
It's time for our president and Iraqi leaders to realize that on Osama bin Laden's and al-Qaida's calendar, there are no vacation days marked.
Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or
online at any book retailer. E-mail him at
cmemminger@starbulletin.com