Higher ed captures tech fantasies
When I traveled with my buddy in his time machine to the 2018 Consumer Electronics Show, I was careful not to make assumptions about the world around me beyond the convention hall. But a couple of things made me suspect that the bar had been raised when it comes to education.
The busboy at the buffet told me he had earned his Ph.D in mathematics at Cambridge, studying under acclaimed British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking. Then he pointed to the banquet captain, who was acclaimed British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking.
So, clearly, the academic stakes are higher.
It was no surprise, then, to discover that an entire section of the convention floor at the 2018 CES was devoted to gadgets centered on higher education. Here's what I could fit on my cheat sheet:
Cybernetic Greeks: Fraternities and sororities still rule university life in 2018, but starting 11 years from now, the big man on campus will arrive with some assembly required.
Anyone can write "loser" on the forehead of a passed-out -- er, napping -- pledge. But augment a frat brother with this company's "Sigma Alpha Epson" attachment, and he can print an exact replica of an M.C. Escher drawing on the wannabe's unconscious cranium in minutes. When the unsuspecting pledge goes to the bathroom to throw up, he'll then look in the mirror, be dizzied by the optical illusion puzzle and then throw up again!
Totally awesome! High five!
For sororities, CG offers a "Delta Gamma Ray" model, capable of screening pledges for shoddy cosmetic work unlikely to hold up past sophomore year. Any sister will tell you that when it comes to maintaining your clique's status quo, you get what they pay for.
PlagiaristDefender.org: Buying a ready-made term paper online is easy. What's hard is getting it past a professor using Google. But in 2018 all facts are digital (i.e., flexible), and the original printed word has all but succumbed to mold. Therefore, this service not only lets you steal another's inspiration for a price, but covers your tracks by making it appear across the entire World Wide Web like it was your idea all along.
Footnoted example: "All we have to fear is fear itself ..." -- 1-Todd Hodges. "My Theory on Fear That I, Todd Hodges, Thought of on My Own Without Any Help." (Todd Hodges' Laser Printer Press, 2018).
PitcherPointer: This GPS- enabled device hooks onto your belt buckle and illuminates the ground with arrows, pointing you to the nearest, cheapest draft beer joints available around any major university. PitcherPointer Plus can also direct you to the closest 24-hour Taco Bell after last call.
Fresh15Reflector: These new mirrors purport to show how each college applicant would look 15 pounds heavier, the average weight gained during freshman year. While most university towns have banned the devices, the military has back-ordered 8,000. They plan to use them at recruiting offices to seal the deal, with a new campaign slogan, "Be All That You Can Be -- In the Good Way."