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Digital Slob
Curt Brandao
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Compatibility specs apply to people, too
If you're approaching panic about that untouched holiday gift list, keep in mind that knowing what to get all those special someones is not nearly as important as knowing what not to get them.
Like any other stress-filled frenzy, nothing of the Christmas shopping-variety calms down Digital Slobs more than the process of elimination. Without this fog-clearing mental trick, Grandma would be unwrapping a flea collar on Dec. 25 as Rover gnawed on a beef stick from Hickory Farms.
The process of elimination is how Slobs find our car keys, it's how we determine which fast-food restaurant is next in our rotation, it's how we pick the person we want to spend the rest of our life with -- well, actually, it's more how they pick us, but I think my point still holds up.
For example, this year I will not be getting my 79-year-old mother a digital picture frame -- slideshow-style photo holders that display pixels instead of prints, via a memory chip and/or wireless network and/or dial-up modems that plug into phone outlets.
It sounds cool, in a now-we're-all-on-the-tech-bandwagon kind of way, but I'm not going to do it. Nope. No way. Most of them have blah picture quality, cost up to $200 for 8-inch screens and are way more complicated for my Mom than opening up a envelope filled with glossy 3-by-5s, even when you factor in the slight case of arthritis in her right hand.
Plus, two hundred bucks? For only $200 more, you could get a 15-inch screen that has the added bonus of a notebook computer sitting right under it. And, for the same money, you could mail the folks back home about 1,600 prints through services such as snapfish.com. That's plenty -- especially in my case (I may have a face only a mother could love, but to be honest, after about 30 or 40 examples, even she's had her fill).
So, jury's still out on my mom. But here are some more lesser-known gadgets that might turn out to be the last gift ideas standing for the quirkiest on your list this year:
Lighted Slippers (bimbambanana.com, $69): For those who long to impersonate a Hoover vacuum in the middle of the night comes a pair of headlighted house shoes that boot up when you slip them on in the dark. Two lithium batteries in each shoe power a pair of LEDs that illuminate your path as you play minesweeper en route to the bathroom. Great during power outages, though a pair with high beams would also be nice for those prone to sleepwalking in dark, rural areas.
CarMD (CarMD.com, $90): For those who would consider their firstborn a fair trade for a decent set of brake pads when their car is in the shop, this handheld diagnostic device might finally adjust the balance of power. The battery-powered CarMD plugs into an outlet under the dashboard of every auto made after 1996, and then gives you the same readout that guy with the greasy, calloused hands sees when visions of price-gouging dance in his head.
A handy CD, video and online database can help you translate the readings. You can determine the cause of that clackity-clack-clack sound, and the fair cost to get rid of it, as you sit at home waiting for the tow-truck driver to arrive -- unfortunately, you're still on your own negotiating with that guy.
InstantMusic Vinyl & Cassette Ripper (thinkgeek.com, $50): For those who refuse to enter the 21st century until the powers that be allow them to take their mint 1974 "Jim Croce's Greatest Hits" album with them, this relatively small device might provide the bridge they so desperately need. Plug in your ancient music-making thingamajig -- turntable, cassette player, radio, washtub base? -- and then connect the Ripper to your PC.
Once you turn on that dusty, outdated playback device (or work the hand crank, or put coal in its boiler, whatever) the Ripper converts the sounds to any of several digital formats, and can even burn them directly to a CD. Amazing what a gadget can do these days. If only it could save time in a bottle as well.
Next week: Last-minute gift ideas.
Reach Star-Bulletin columnist
Curt Brandao and subscribe to the free "digitalslobpod" podcast at
digitalslob.com.