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The Goddess Speaks
Chris Rathyen
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Lasting love has romance at its roots
IT'S A BIT scary, but I find myself in love with a grandfather. His abs don't match Matt Damon's and he has less hair than Johnny Depp, and I guess for many of us, growing old with the same man we loved at 17 is a bit of a stretch in terms of keeping romance alive, but to watch this particular grandfather gentle a colicky baby creates a new definition for "sexy."
When we go places with our granddaughters, I march on ahead, eager to get to wherever, but this sweet man just ambles along at toddler speed, totally engaged in conversations about bugs and leaves and the myriad mysterious concerns that occupy the childhood mind. I haven't the patience for it, and he does, so is being able to recapture the magic of childhood what makes him so appealing? Certainly I know several little girls who would claim that it is.
Having accepted that I am in love with a grandfather, I have considered the question of what it is that makes a man wonderful. I have a friend who claims it has to do with handling luggage. It's true that when we travel I never have to lift a suitcase, and this protectiveness is something that I have learned to treasure. But I like to think that love is more romantic than suitcases.
EVERY weekend we go to the beach and he sets up a freeze sleeve with icy champagne, and pours it for me into a tall plastic champagne glass as I sit in the warm sand -- and when I run dry, he pours another. Is this where the magic lies? Or is it that after 40 years, he fishes sentences out of my mind and speaks them before I do? Or is it, as I have suspected for some time now, his patience and steadfastness when confronted with disaster?
When our last granddaughter was born with acid reflux and screamed every moment she was awake, he rocked and soothed an unhappy baby. When my father needed nursing care after a hospitalization, it was the grandfather I love who set up our spare room with the necessary supplies, and who organized a walkie-talkie system to our room, so Dad would never have to feel alone.
When our oldest son got into financial trouble, it was this sweet man who spent every Thursday night for months on debt counseling, and gently but firmly led our boy out of the mess he was in. When I was diagnosed with diabetes it was my grandfather romance interest who initiated a morning walk to control my sugar level, and who gets us both up at 4.30 a.m. every day to make sure I get my exercise. So maybe love isn't about luggage or even romance, but about being there when the chips are down.
Maybe I love a grandfather because he's interested in conversations about glucose readings, and cares about his father-in-law, and is willing to sacrifice to help a grown son out of trouble. And maybe after all, love has something to do with sunset on the beach, warm hands clasped in silent communion and an icy glass of champagne.
Chris Rathyen teaches English at Moanalua High School.
Essays of about 500 words may be sent to 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813; or e-mail
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The Goddess Speaks is a feature column by and about women. If you have something to say, write "The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210,
Honolulu 96813 or e-mail
features@starbulletin.com.