The Goddess Speaks
Go ahead and wear the right (bigger) size
YESTERDAY my sister caught me doing the jeans dance. You know, when you jump up and down and squat until you can pull the jeans up your thighs and over your butt?
She began singing the song "Dem Jeans," by Chingy, "Daum girl how'd you get all that in dem jeans dem jeans how'd you get all that ..." Amused, I joined in, "Is you talkin' to me?" She replied, "Yeah you ... Bet you had to lay back on the bed just to zip 'em up ..."
I sucked in, pulled up the zipper and buttoned, then exhaled. I was oozing out of my favorite pair of jeans and wanted to cry.
My sudden weight gain was probably due to all the late-night Jack-in-the-Box runs and Haagen-Dazs cravings. Oh yeah, and how could I forget about my new job, where there's at least one birthday a week? I also have a toaster on my desk.
Maybe my metabolism is finally slowing down. My point is, you can't be the same size all your life. If you're hanging out of a size 3 because you're really a size 5, wear the size 5. I don't care if you're wearing stretch denim. Denim can only stretch so much. And as my wise friend Kristen once said, "The world's not gonna end if you buy a bigger size."
It seems muscle guys are also insecure about buying a bigger size. After "pumping up" their chests and egos at the gym, they purposely squeeze into a shirt one size too small. Confident that they appear larger than they really are, muscle guys' only concern is falling victim to the tag check: safe if the tag reads extra large (though most likely a brand that runs small), caught in the act if the tag reads large.
Some fashion trends are short-lived. It doesn't matter if you're Gwen Stefani or David Beckham. Just because something was trendy doesn't mean it's still trendy. Skorts (skirt-shorts), for example, are out. Frankie B ultralow-rider jeans might be flattering when standing, but they reveal more than anyone would care to see with a slight bend of the waist. Ugg boots in Hawaii are self-explanatory. And Von Dutch is SO three years ago.
At the end of the day, or night, it doesn't matter what you wear, it's how you carry yourself. I met this guy last weekend who wore a Camel Pak to the club. Yes, the handy device hikers wear to keep themselves hydrated. Believe it or not, girls were all over him.
Lauren Chang is a full-time Star Bulletin/MidWeek ad staffer, part-time fashion guru.
The Goddess Speaks is a feature column by and about women. If you have something to say, write "The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210,
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