The Goddess Speaks
A little courtesy goes a long way
I'm dating this guy. And he's great -- except he doesn't open my car door. "Big deal," you must be thinking. Take my word for it, car door opening is a more serious subject than guys will ever imagine.
I've done my research; I've asked around. The other night at my friend's going-away party, I asked a few girls what they thought about guys who don't open their car doors.
"I don't need any guy to open my car door," insisted Alyssa. "That's what power locks are for," Sara joked. "You're too high-maintenance," said Joanna. I rolled my eyes. The opinions of these feminist thinkers are the reason guys lack what Lani calls, "gentlemanliness."
I envisioned them rapping to Nelly Furtado's latest hit, "Promiscuous Girl": "Roses are red, some diamonds are blue / chivalry is dead but you're still kinda cute." Just when I was about to change the subject, Christina added, "I think a guy should do it out of respect for the girl." I wanted to jump up and sing like Aretha Franklin. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
Nelly Furtado had it all wrong. Even if a guy is "really really ridiculously good-looking," as Ben Stiller said in the movie "Zoolander," looks cannot compensate for improper etiquette.
Think about how a girl would feel if her hot male co-worker shoved his way out of the elevator before her. Worse yet, what if she saw the same guy refuse to give up his seat to an elderly woman on the bus? I know my perception of him would change immediately.
I'm not a man-hater by any means, nor am I asking guys to lay their coats over puddles so we can walk without getting our shoes wet. I'll let it slide when they forget to put down the toilet seat or chew with their mouths closed. All I'm asking is for guys to open their girl's car door. Better than flowers or chocolates, it's a simple request that doesn't cost anything and makes girls feel warm and fuzzy.
The car door thing bothered me so much that I decided to tell my guy. I had to, knowing that every successful relationship requires honesty. Expecting the worst, I anticipated what he might possibly say. "Are you kidding me?"
It turned out all I had to do was ask. "If it's important to you then it's important to me," he said. Simple.
I've realized that most guys are oblivious when it comes to opening car doors. I've also realized that most girls have double standards and will never reciprocate this gesture. Still, if a guy respects his girl, he will open her door. I wouldn't be surprised if she leans across to unlock his.
Lauren M. Chang is a full-time Star Bulletin/MidWeek ad staffer, part-time Ms. Manners.
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