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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger
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Last not last as lowest vote-getter
WHILE the Dan Akaka/Ed Case race for U.S. Senate might have been the most eagerly anticipated competition in the primary election, the most eagerly ignored but highly dramatic battle for the least number of votes took place between perennial low vote-getter Michael Last of Puna and a couple of upstart unknowns running for the state House from Kalihi.
Mike Last is no longer first among candidates garnering the least number of votes in state elections. And he was sorry to hear it. I broke the news to him by phone: The 12 votes he received running for the House of Representatives snatched defeat from the jaws of bigger defeat.
"I believed I was (the lowest vote-getter)," he said. "This time, I got 12, I know that. I'm a three-time loser."
Last is a victim of his own success. In the 1998 primary he got only three votes and didn't even vote for himself. His 12 votes this time represent something like a 1,000 percent increase in votes (your calculations might differ). Last was trounced by Dana Patria, nonpartisan candidate for the Kalihi district, who got only six votes. But Patria was beaten to the bottom in the same district by Green Party candidate Frank DeGiacomo, who picked up a staggering three votes.
I wanted to talk to DeGiacomo, who is a community and animal rights activist (not necessarily in that order), but an associate told me he had been out all night taking care of feral cats (for real) and was probably sleeping.
IN MY VAST experience covering the lowest vote-getters in elections, I can tell you meet the nicest people down there. I have great admiration for these guys who ignore great odds simply to exercise their rights (though apparently not their sign-waving skills) to take part in this great experiment we call democracy. I particularly admire Patria, who is a Star-Bulletin newspaper delivery person. Forget the hoity-toity titles, Patria calls himself simply a "paperboy," wants to bring back chain gangs (for real) and suggests the way to make housing more affordable is through "goodwillonomics." How cool is that?
Mike Last says he ran this time because he's retired and "I needed a job big time." He concedes that calling up potential voters at dinner time was kind of a bad move. But his 3,000 percent increase (we're still crunching numbers) in votes is encouraging.
"I run to give people a choice," he said, conceding that getting 12 votes is not so much a run as a casual walk.
Charles Memminger, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2004 First Place Award winner for humor writing, appears Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail
cmemminger@starbulletin.com