Some want nuke power torpedoed
WHEN I suggested somewhat facetiously (or was it jocosely?) that Honolulu should use electricity from one of the nuke-powered Navy submarines or ships stationed here to run our power grid, I forgot that something similar might have happened in Hawaii during Hurricanes Iwa in 1982 and Iniki in 1992.
I say "might" because the historical record is a little hazy. Nuclear subs apparently were dispatched to Kauai to "kick start" the island's electrical system after those hurricanes, but after an extensive and intensive five-minute search on the Internet, it is unclear if they ever did provide power to the island.
Nevertheless, they COULD have. That's the point. So why doesn't Honolulu buy a couple of old nuclear subs to produce electricity for the island instead of depending on shipping in oil to be burned for power? It's not as nutty as it sounds. It turns out that Russia is planning to build a floating nuclear power plant. Now if Russia, which has been on the cutting edge of nuclear-powered electrical plants, can build a floating power generator, why can't ... Wait a minute, that does sound nutty. Russia couldn't even handle a nonfloating nuclear power plant.
NEVERTHELESS (and this is the last nevertheless I'm using today), Honolulu should turn to nuclear power to free us from the tyranny of having to import and burn all that nasty and expensive oil. After my column suggesting that last week, I received many letters of support. Nevertheless (I lied), some readers were against a nuclear plant on Oahu because of: 1) hurricanes, 2) tsunamis and 3) possible terrorist attack. I will address each concern separately:
1) Hurricanes -- Make the nuke plants hurricane-proof.
2) Tsunamis -- Put them where tidal waves can't reach them.
3) Terrorist attack -- Put them where terrorists can't reach them.
There. That solves those problems. The best place to put a nuclear power plant on Oahu would be on a military base. Schofield Barracks is nice. Lotsa room. High mountain ranges. Armed guards. Tanks. Perfect.
Let's do it before Hawaiian Electric Co. builds another "fossil fuel" plant as it's begging the Public Utilities Commission for permission to do right now. Fossil fuels? This is the 21st century. Forget the dinosaurs.
, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2004 First Place Award winner for humor writing, appears Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org