Clone army perfect pill for bad credit
SITTING at home last week with a disrupted Internet connection and 40 hours of digested season finales in my TiVo delete bin, I was feeling a little bored. Surely, there must be a place where it's fun all the time, there's no more pain in the world and Microsoft Vista is finally in circulation.
Then I remembered my buddy who has a time machine, so I asked him to take me on another trip to the 2018 Consumer Electronics Show. Maybe I could get the best peak yet at what tech has in store for us. If not, maybe somebody could at least explain what's happening on "Lost." Here's what I found:
FingerRibbon 2.0: Since the dawn of time, husbands have come home after not making that sale, not getting that promotion or not bringing down a mammoth only to have their wives berate them for also forgetting to bring home the dry cleaning, the Chinese takeout, or the magic flint stone that spits fire.
Even neanderthals would nod knowingly -- we've all been there. Of course, in each case there is an underlying issue that's eating away at our unions like a cancer, but researchers have at least invented a way to help it stay buried with FingerRibbon 2.0.
These strips of nano-tech enabled cloth wrap around your fingers and keep track of things you refuse to remember. On you commute home, they are time-activated to squeeze your digits until satellites confirm you've altered course in the right direction, be it toward the bank, the florist or the urologist to tie off the last remaining vestiges of your masculinity.
During trials, a few did malfunction and cut off circulation, but in each case another ribbon began to restrict itself until the subject remembered how to get to the nearest emergency medical facility.
Clone Army Credit Counseling: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, clones proved useful against a rebel alliance. But now geneticists have developed this same tool to conquer an even more formidable disruption in the Force -- your finances.
Bank One may have hundreds of operators standing by to body-block you from your money, but for once, they'll be evenly matched. Sign up to get 10,000 copies of yourself manning phone banks, each fighting to free you from late fees, high interest rates and BuyerAdvantage programs.
When a credit associate tells a replicant, "Without our Protection Plan, what would you do if an accident made you physically unable to earn a living?" such fear-mongering will ring hollow against the background murmur of 9,999 other clones with headsets ready to take your place.
RespectMySpace: Thanks to free global Wi-Fi, being able to see and speak to anyone at anytime is now a given. But ever since Oxford removed the word "off" from the dictionary, the same does not hold true for peace and quiet.
For a monthly fee, technicians at RespectMySpace will put their special-ops, military-trained genius to work for you, building a firewall between you and The Grid, impenetrable for at least, oh, 10 minutes, give or take. Ooohs, and ahhhs filled the convention hall, until I asked what I thought was an innocent question.
"Why not just unplug everything?" I said.
Flashing lights, sirens, security and a bruised backside was all I remembered after regaining consciousness.