Oh, say, can you see, li'dat
I know. I seem to be stuck in this illegal-immigration groove. There must be something more entertaining to write about than the controversy surrounding illegal aliens. Like real aliens, the kind that drop out of the sky in glorified Frisbees. Or geckos. Or wolverines. Not geckos or wolverines that drop out of the sky in glorified Frisbees, just geckos or wolverines in the general sense.
But in the wake of the recent massive walkouts by largely Mexican migrants, I had to say something about the Spanish-language version of the national anthem that is causing various nationalist knuckleheads to have fits. It's called "Nuestro Himno," and it's been recorded by a bunch of Latin pop stars.
It's really not an exact translation of the "Star-Spangled Banner," but sort of a gushy, sentimental takeoff on it. My only complaint is that it doesn't contain the word "corazon." I took Spanish singing in college for one credit. Every song we sang contained "corazon," or "heart," at least 153 times. I thought it was an international law that all Spanish songs contain "corazon."
In any case, I have no problem with "Nuestro Himno" -- "Our Anthem." It doesn't disgrace the Star and Stripes any more than when we used call it "The Star-Speckled Banana" when we were kids.
I say the more foreign-language versions of America's national anthem, the better. If we can get the whole world to sing our anthem in whatever language possible, that's a good thing. So in that vein I wrote what believe is the only pidgin version of the song ever penned. It will bring tears to your eyes and, if anyone ever sings it, index fingers to your ears. Enjoy.
Da Mo Bettah Nationo Antem
By One Haole Boy
Ho, brah, can you see, by da early-kine light, or what?
What we wen' see last night fo' we wen' crash?
Those shaka stars and stripes, cuz, when da bruddahs stay throwin' and beefin',
From on top my house, brah, we spock 'em ... ho, was chicken skin, bruddah.
Those rockets like freakin' aerial-kine firecrackas stay blowing up mauka, makai, all ova da kine,
Bumbye, that freakin' flag still stay, I no kid you.
Da kine banner move like one shaka wahine hula dancer still yet, garans.
Buggah neva like leave da hale where OK fo' act anykine and da ohana where beeg bruddahs no shame broke your face you get lolo, li'dat.
(Copyright © 2006, Honolulu Lite Department of Legal Affairs and Frappuccinos)
, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2004 First Place Award winner for humor writing, appears Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org