Dallas' new T.O. show is must-see TV
FIRST there was "American Idol." Harmless enough. Then my wife started watching "The Bachelor," and then there were more shows, every night. And then "Omorosa" had her own Burger King commercial. And then VH1 got completely out of hand.
(And the worst part about this trend is that if you stop fighting it for 5 seconds -- much like the "fantasy" sports craze -- it's easy to get sucked in. And the next thing you know you find yourself excitedly discussing whether Jerry Rice really IS starting to get that latest dance move, and -- um ... I think I may have just said too much.)
But luckily, there has been a safe haven from the scourge of "reality" TV. An escape. Sports. Until now, that is. It's over. T.O. just went to Dallas.
Now, I'm not talking about Terrell Owens' actual reality show (and you knew that was coming, along with a book). I'm talking about his signing with the Cowboys itself. This isn't football. This is a reality show. This is the formula. This is the script.
Really, are we talking about football? Or are we talking about taking one of TV's all-time great troublemakers, pairing him with a cranky, old-school coach and seeing what sparks might fly?
Is this the NFL or an episode of "The Surreal Life"? (Yes, the fact that I know the name of that show gives me a sharp, stabbing pain behind the eyes.)
Oh, you know this is going to be even more riveting than the Flavor Flav-as-bachelor trainwreck masterpiece (yeeeeaah boooooyeeee!).
All it needs is Kathy Griffin introducing each week's show.
Let's face it. T.O. has taken two NFL franchises and left them scorched earth (and the second time, they knew what was coming). He's taken one of football's great good guys, Donovan McNabb, and turned him into a scarred, stumbling shell of a man. I loved the Chunky Soup Man -- but we'll never look at that poor guy the same way again.
We all know what's coming.
And if the NFL is going to continue to sign this guy, to keep bringing him back ...
If they're not going to treat this seriously, then neither will I. This isn't football (that was McNabb's great undoing, he thought it was football). It's car-crash entertainment. And if that's what they've decided they want, well, I'll be happy to sit there and watch him go "Real World" again.
I can only hope Owens' agent -- who seems to have watched "Jerry Maguire" about 37 too many times -- makes regular appearances.
I found this quote from the Dallas Morning News: "Get your popcorn ready," Owens said. "It's going to be a show."
At least this time, he warned them first.