The Goddess Speaks
Girls: Don't be fooled by a Flintstone
I THINK it's only natural for women that at some point in midlife the desire to pass on female knowledge waxes hard. It must be the work of some innate genetic code, built in for the sole purpose of empowering and encouraging the next generation. So what do women who have birthed only sons do? We mull it over, run through pretend scenarios to whomever will listen. Or, we just write it down.
If I had a daughter, I'd tell her that if you find yourself attracted to a rugged, macho kind of guy, keep in mind he might not be the brightest star in the sky. He might be uncouth, crude and rough, Fred Flintstone-ish even. Don't think you'll change, educate or refine him. Because you won't. If he's Fred Flintstone now, he'll be Fred Flintstone 20 years from now. I promise, it's true!
You might be taken with his incredible body, heart-stopping smile and sexy eyes. His bravado might be enough to enable you to overlook the Fred in him. You might even believe that time and maturity will soften the edges. But it won't. He'll be Fred Flintstone with gray hair and wrinkles; still burping in public, using the wrong words at the wrong time. And if you can live with that and not expect more, all may be well with you.
It's just that with maturity you might crave a little bit of class. You might even catch yourself saying, "Gee, honey, we're not in high school anymore, why do you have to act so ..." But get used to it. Once a Fred Flintstone, always a Fred Flintstone. And by the way, if he slouches in a chair with his arms dangling like broken limbs, heads up, Wilma dear, you've got yourself a Fred.
IF I HAD a daughter, I'd tell her that before you jump into any relationship with any guy, first get a good sense of yourself. Get to know the young lady inside. Learn to honor and respect that which you like, dislike, love and detest. Don't let him dictate, change or decide your feelings. Never be afraid to stand up for what you think, want or believe. The world will not fall apart because one person does not agree with you.
Love should never depend on following the dictates of another. Love should never be dependent on agreeing to agree, neither should it be tied to being someone you're not. And the only way to avoid all of that is to be true to yourself.
Take care of your body. It's the greatest honor you can bestow upon yourself. Feed yourself good, wholesome foods. Keep your muscles in optimum condition by using them daily, flexing them, pushing them to the limits. Keep your body humming and purring by exercising it, moving it, cranking it up. When you take care of yourself that way, honoring and respecting yourself will come naturally. Getting this is vital to self-preservation, and when you're 50, believe me, this lesson will be worth more than gold.
Debra Evans is a Hawaii-based freelance writer.
The Goddess Speaks is a feature column by and about women. If you have something to say, write "The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210,
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