CRAIG T. KOJIMA / CKOJIMA@STARBULLETIN.COM
Deborah Jackson, an eldercare consultant, understands the challenges her clients face. She cared for her ailing mother, who posed with Jackson and her daughter in the snapshot.
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Thorough planning now will ease caring for elders
Many folks seem to be searching for that magical fountain of youth. Diet, exercise, hormones, supplements and even plastic surgery are keeping us fit and young longer, defying the aging process. But like taxes and death, eventually it all catches up.
"People need to make friends with ageism," said Deborah Jackson, an Eldercare consultant. No one can predict how they will age, so planning is essential.
That's the definition of elder-care planning: looking at choices, changes that occur and making arrangements for the future. Jackson will lead a seminar in the planning process Saturday. (See Page E5 for details.)
"Elder-care-planning conversations help everyone become more comfortable with difficult topics and the inevitability of loss," she said.
Considerations include residential options for seniors, how to determine if they are receiving proper medical advice, and whether caregivers can be trusted and assets are protected, Jackson said. And, of course, cost. Permanent care for an elder who becomes incapacitated is another concern.
"Educated consumers are less likely to be preyed upon by unscrupulous care providers, scam artists or receive inferior and inadequate care," she said.
Planning should cover all aspects of care, but people often focus on only one area, such as help with housekeeping or preventing a fall.
The goal should be to start talking about things way ahead of time. "Try to stay well, strong, healthy, but know that anything can happen," she said.
Jackson learned firsthand the difficulties that come with aging, unexpected illness and circumstance. "The experience was a very difficult and challenging one ... fraught with pain, anxiety, fear, conflict and much stumbling along."
Jackson moved to Hawaii from California to help care for her parents. "My mother was the caregiver in her relationship with my father," she said.
After suffering from caregiver burnout, enduring hospitalization and the onset of Alzheimer's, her mother became incapacitated. "I know how challenging it can be to find all the information and services you need, to plan ahead for an uncertain future and to juggle family and work all at the same time."
Jackson's brother remained in California. "My brother and I talked on the phone every day. He provided a different perspective and gave a great deal of emotional support. It was invaluable."
Still, they were unprepared to deal with the situation. "My brother and I were caught very much off guard by our parents' care needs, as many of our baby-boomer age group. This is not only the worst way to make choices and begin a caregiver/ care recipient relationship, it is unnecessary," she added.
Eventually, tensions arose, and at one point the siblings did not speak for about a month. Family conflict often begins when making decisions about a loved one's care, Jackson said. Distributing specific duties among family members can help; talking to a third party for resolution is sometimes necessary.
Jackson's experience led her to establish her business, Eldercare Hawaii. The business offers a central location where families can obtain access to local resources and information, counseling and planning consultation or ongoing support for caregivers.
Long-term care insurance, annuities and reverse mortgages are all part of the preparation process, made necessary because people are living much longer nowadays. "Hawaii has the longest life expectancy in the nation," Jackson said.
"We look at an old face and turn away, but they want to tell their stories; they are picking apart what was important in their life."
With her own mother, Jackson was finally able to connect on a deeper level. "In the end you realize what is really important."
We would benefit from letting go of the "outdated and prejudiced ideas about older people," she said. "We are starting to change our attitude. Death and dying is becoming a more normal part of life."
"Many elders are active, especially in Hawaii -- they are a part of the fabric of our community. Learn to move into their world. Old people are incredibly rich. They have so many stories, so many things to offer."
Getting Started
Do your research: Take a class, read recent books on aging, surf the Internet, join a support group or organize a discussion group of your own.
Find help: Have a private consultation with a geriatric care manager or elder-care planning consultant to develop a plan.
Plan for incapacity: Create an emergency plan, organize and locate important documents and information. This will smooth the way and help raise important questions.
Assess your needs: Don't guess -- request an evaluation with a geriatric physician, do a home safety survey, review your medications with a pharmacist.
Build a support network: Family members and friends can form a team -- each offering help according to their skills, time and availability. You might find help in the most unexpected places.
What's your role?: Elders need help maintaining control over their lives, to tell their stories and discover their legacy. Planning ahead allows them to make their own decisions.
Acknowledge feelings: Many changes must be handled. It helps to acknowledge that you are grieving. At the same time, remember to enjoy your time together.
Source: Deborah Jackson
Resources
Eldercare Hawaii workshops
To be held at the University of Hawaii, Krauss 012, Yukiyoshi Room. Cost is $60 for both sessions. Call 956-8400 to register. Information online:
www.outreach.hawaii.edu.
"Planning Ahead for Eldercare": Issues covered include health, housing, elder law, quality of life, letting go and caregiver support; 9 a.m. to noon Saturday.
"The Caregiver's Journey": Learn to identify stress and consider personal styles of self-care; 9 a.m. to noon Jan. 28.
CARE Club
Support group: Meets every other Wednesday at 9 a.m. at Eldercare Hawaii, 2909 Lowrey Ave., Manoa. Free. Call 988-6300 to register in advance.
Free training classes: Call 988-630. Sign up for a free newsletter online at www.EldercareHawaii.com or click on the "Training & support" tab for a listing of groups islandwide.