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Digital Slob
Curt Brandao
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Future makes Vegas expo a sucker bet
ANOTHER Consumer Electronics Show has come and gone, and although there was plenty of promise, it looks like we're still going to be putting our pants on one leg at a time for the time being -- except for Larry and Sergey over at Google (they have to be beta-testing some new method that's only a press release away at this point).
Yes, there was talk (again) of truly portable media, but there's still way too many formats and User Agreements that consumers must sort through to make watching reruns of "Gunsmoke" on a 2.5-inch screen worth the trouble.
For the money, the best bell-and-whistle devices to bet on in Vegas this year remain the 50-cent Wheel of Fortune slot machines at The Venetian.
It seems you've got to go way into the future for innovations (not to mention smog levels) that are truly breathtaking.
Thankfully, my buddy has a time machine and he lets me take trips with him to the 2018 Consumer Electronics Show, where I can get past all the present-day puffery for the real scoop. Here are more details:
Myspace Condos: In 2006, Myspace.com was nothing more than a free Web-based community with some 50 million members. But by 2018 it was mutating into actual communities, breaking ground on thousands of rent-free, ad-based condos worldwide.
"Rent-free" was enough to lure thousands at the expo to sign up for housing, even though a brochure clearly explained all three caveats. First, though you can decorate your home any way you want, any maintenance problem must be fixed either by yourself or by soliciting help from fellow tenants; second, you must open your home to any neighbor who wants to share home movies, photos and music playlists; and third, all door-to-door salesmen must be given your undivided attention.
It all depends on your comfort level, but I believe Amnesty International would say there are prisoners who have better deals than that.
iPod Twiki: You don't have to be a 1980s science fiction trivia buff to appreciate this MP3 player accessory, the diminutive robot that brought comic relief to Gil Gerard in the "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" TV show. Only instead of carrying around Dr. Theopolis, his former computer brain that hung on his chest like an interactive rap-star medallion, Twiki now sports an iPod that tells him what to do, and what songs to play while he's doing it.
Twiki even retains his simple "beeda-beeda" vocabulary. Super cool! (OK, maybe you DO have to be a 1980s science fiction trivia buff.)
But what about Dr. Theopolis? Celebrity break-ups are so tough. I bet Angelina Jolie was involved somehow.
Human-Powered Entertainment Systems: By 2010, Americans had become so disproportionately heavy that the Earth was beginning to wobble on its axis like an out-of-balance washing machine. So Congress passed the Emergency Couch Potato Prohibition Act, requiring that all home media be powered by electricity generated solely from exercise machines. New models were on display at CES.
If you want to see the "Godfather" trilogy, for example, you must first take a stationary bike on a theoretical trip from Boston to Asheville, N.C.
Not a single incumbent Congressman has won an election since, but at least the world's spin cycle is back in sync.