Dizzy would like life to stop spinning
At the risk of outing myself as a song geek, I share with you a few classic lines from the 1990s tune "Dizzy," by the renowned, incomparable (some would say, unknown, incognito) musical stylist Tommy Roe:
"I'm so dizzy my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool it never ends
And it's you girl makin' it spin
You're making me dizzy."
They don't write love songs like that anymore, so we're lucky there.
The reason that song popped into my head (and now has lodged itself so deeply in my brain pan, replaying over and over again until it's, well, it's making me dizzy) ... the reason I thought of it is because of a plaintive note I got from Jacque Smith at the Hawaiian Humane Society.
"Charley, It's the holiday season again, and as we were putting up our holiday decor around the shelter, I noticed that Dizzy is still with us," she wrote. "Dizzy, a Doberman-pit bull mix, has been in residence for half a year.
Week after week, he can't seem to capture the heart of anyone. He's like the kid at recess that never gets picked for anyone's dodgeball team. And I can't for the life of me figure it out."
After 6 months, he still hasn't been adopted.
Let's all pause here to mop up our tears. Seriously. I'm choked up like the test mouse at the Heimlich Maneuver Research Facility.
Jacque, who handles PR for the Hawaiian Humane Society and animal shelter, doesn't send out many of these SOSs (save our species?). But it's a timely reminder that this is the season of giving, and when did an iPod Nano ever protect your house from intruders and chew up your slippers?
There are many dogs and cats at the humane society wearing cute little Rudolph antlers waiting to be put under someone's Christmas tree this year. I know my dog Boomer, whom we adopted from the humane society, loves Christmas, especially the tree.
Every year when we bring the tree in the house, he runs around wagging his tail as if to say, "You brought me tree AGAIN! My own tree!" Then he, uh, "christens" it. But I digress. Where was I?
"I want you for my sweet pet, but you keep playing hard to get
I'm going around in circles all the time ..."
Oh, yeah, Dizzy, and that damn song.
What I think Dizzy has going against him is UDP (unfair doggie profiling). Just because he's a Doberman-pit bull mix, people assume he's a bit on the aggressive side. Actually, he's just misunderstood.
"He's not the Mr. Personality in the snazzy fur coat shaking booty and working his kennel kind of guy," says Jacque. "But he's calm. He's sweet. He's obedient. He's 50 pounds of affection and a lovely companion."
He's also only 1 year old, so how many bad habits could he have learned? In fact, he's learned some good stuff, like "sit," "stay," "clean the dishes" and "computer Power Point presentations." (I'm not sure about the last two.)
If history is any indication, Dizzy will be adopted soon after I finish typing this sentence. But there are many other dogs available at the humane society looking to join a family this holiday season. And cats, too, although cats don't go as nutzo over Christmas trees as dogs do.
If you already have a pet, you can hurry down to the humane society today and get a photo of your dog or cat with "Santa Paws" taken by professional photographer Stan Wright.
And you can pick up the Pets in Paradise 2006 Calendar as a stocking stuffer. (Call the Hawaiian Humane Society at 356-2212 for more information.)
Whoa. All this free publicity for the Humane Society is suddenly making me ... "Dizzy, my head is spinning. Like a whirlpool it never ends ..."
Please, Tommy Roe, make the music stop.
Charles Memminger, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2004 First Place Award winner for humor writing, appears Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org