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Digital Slob
Curt Brandao
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Action gadgets speak louder than words
IDEALLY, in a Digital Slob season of giving, it should be the bank-account friendly thought that counts. But situations always seem to crop up that compel us to do more.
Maybe some sneaky souls bought us an extravagant holiday gift last year. Maybe they lent us their car when we ran ours into a tree. Maybe they paid our rent to keep us from moving into their garage. Maybe they lobbied the U.S. Consulate to extradite us from some obscure East Asian country.
The point is, sometimes a card just won't cut it.
Therefore, we're resuming our monthlong December tradition of finding unique, yet attainable gifts that can tell our loved ones all the sentimental things Slobs find it hard to say, from "thank you" to "your special" to "you might want to keep that garage cleared out, y'know, just in case."
Electric Clothing Stain Remover: Every holiday season Slobs hear the same thing: "Put on your good shirt." Any Respectable Person would need clarification to execute this order, but Slobs can dart to the exact spot in the closet faster than a bloodhound can tree an escaped prisoner.
The "good shirt" is the one way in the back that we never wear -- the only one that doesn't look like an overused lobster bib with a button-down collar.
But armed with a new $30 handheld battery-operated stain remover, available at GadgetUniverse.com, our significant others might resuscitate new life into the rest of our atrophied collection.
Resembling an electric screwdriver, the device uses water and ultrasonic waves to shake stains out of fabric at 120 beats per second. The Web site claims it will not fade colors as it shouts out otherwise intractable splotches. If you've hit a wall with the elbow grease/teeth-grinding technique, it might be worth a try.
After all, much like dogs, you can dress up Slobs in any cute outfit you want, but you can't keep us out of the cranberries forever.
Lazer Trip Wire: Do you know someone who's always complaining about stuff mysteriously disappearing from his office desk? If so, get yourself off his list of suspects and/or throw him off your trail with this $30 set of battery-operated infrared fence posts available at ThinkGeek.com. With this kit, he can finally create the kind of secure invisible perimeter that all his bobbleheads and Dollywood memorabilia so desperately need.
Once each unit is triangulated, any breach will activate an alarm. This will then either trigger a debilitating fog of tear gas to pour out of the ventilation system, or provoke everyone in Accounts Receivable to roll their eyes in annoyed disgust, depending on how well the company proactively enforces its ethics policy.
The kit also comes with a mist spray bottle, so you can see the beams streaming through the air. After a few demonstrations, you can bet word will get out: If anyone wants to swipe that Red Swingline Stapler, they better refresh their skulking skills by re-renting "Mission: Impossible" first.
The Lazer Trip Wire could also be used outside the office as well, to help teens maintain privacy in their rooms, or even keep certain people from slipping into garages unnoticed with a sleeping bag and several large suitcases. ...
On second thought, maybe there are better ideas out there.
Next week: More gift ideas.
