Let the troops in for free

HERE is what you do: This week's Hawaii football game is "Military Night" at Aloha Stadium. So you go to the bases. Give out thousands of free tickets. Thousands. Drop them like leaflets if you have to. Charter buses to bring them in. Hold their hands and get them through the gates. Come on, it's Military Night. You can get away with anything under the umbrella of supporting the troops.

Oh, there are already deals in place, for this game. "Each member of the Armed Services, both active and reservists, will receive two free football tickets for the price of one," the announcement reads. "A valid military identification card is required when purchasing tickets and only one discount will be offered per I.D."

That's a good deal. But it isn't anywhere near enough. It's Military Night. This is UH's big chance. Give out free tickets to anyone who's ever even seen "Saving Private Ryan," for crying out loud.

"Operation Inflate Attendance" should be in full effect.

Yes, as the Dalai Lama (big hitter, the Lama) once said, there will be no money.

Yes, it would be somewhat of a sham.

Doesn't matter. UH could use a sham, right now. UH just needs to come up with an attendance figure that isn't embarrassing, at this point. Even if the tickets are free.

This is a stop-the-bleeding situation.

Yes, I mean this literally: Call in the National Guard!

This is an incredible opportunity, and this year the football team itself isn't the only one that can't afford to let opportunities slip away.

Let's face it, what is the over-under on actual attendance this week for Utah State, barring some sort of (Military) miracle?

Right now, you wonder if cracking 20,000 just might be a victory. And that's a sad state of affairs, my friends. But that just might be where we are on Saturday night.

Yesterday, June Jones talked about how pay-per-view has hurt attendance in these modern times, and that's very true. No doubt that's been a contributing factor to the numbers being lower these last few years than in the good old days of 40,000-plus.

But it's not like pay-per-view just came along in the last several weeks.

These crowds in the low 20,000s have.

Sure, it would be a one-time, artificial measure. Denial for a week. Doesn't matter. UH better do something. Rally the troops.

» A column from the Reno Gazette-Journal Sunday about Saturday's 38-28 Nevada win over UH started like this: "It doesn't matter how many times the Wolf Pack football team whips up on the Idahos, Louisiana Techs, Hawaiis and San Jose States of the world."

Ouch.

Now that was just unnecessary.

» I think I've finally figured out what in the world Terrell Owens was doing. He was just trying to pull a George Costanza:

"Now THAT guy got fired!"

I'm glad the Eagles finally pulled the plug before Owens had to resort to running onto the field as "Bodysuit Man."

» It seems all the new basketball 'Bows won't be the only ones who might take us the first game or two to recognize. Riley Wallace has hair this year!

» OK, I have no idea what is going on in the Interscholastic League of Honolulu "overtime" playoffs. I just know I'm excited about it.

Pulled straws? Five games in three days? "Lightning round" quarters?

OK, I am completely confused. But it does sound like a lot of fun.

» An alert reader sent in this item on New Mexico State's coming to play at Hawaii earlier this year: It seems a few folks back in New Mexico are up in arms over the excessive cost (the talk was the New Mexico Lobos would have made the trip for half the price). KTSM-TV reported that school officials defended their travel plan, noting, "the charter flight saved the team about 5 hours of flying time and made sure none of their equipment was lost."

Apparently that is extra now.

» Here is a stat for the fire breathers: Through his first 87 games June Jones is 51-36. Pretty good. But hold on to your black hats -- Bob Wagner was 51-34-2. Dick Tomey was 52-34-1.

Yes, really. How many of you out there would have guessed that?