Alo-Ha! Friday
Charles Memminger

Friday, January 21, 2005

Veterinarians want teeth
put into dog care

It's amazing that we all can live on the same planet but exist in completely different worlds. And I'm not talking about Muslims vs. Christians. I'm talking about veterinarians vs. the rest of us.

I took my dog to the vet for a checkup and the vet asked me if I brushed Boomer's teeth. Really. I said no, I've managed to live on this earth for five decades without ever brushing a dog's teeth. And you can't teach an old dog owner new tricks. I love my dog but there are certain matters of hygiene I'm just not going to do for him, brushing his teeth possibly being the least daunting.

There may be a world where people brush dogs' teeth, but that's not where I live.

Now the news ...

Naked truth about jobs

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) » A popular speaker likely will not be asked back to an annual "career day" after he told girls they could make a good living as strippers.

Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more a year, depending on bust size.

"It's sick, but true," Fried said. "You can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that's what you desire."

(He added that "dudes can make pretty sick bread pimpin' for a string of hoes.")

Big man in television

BAINBRIDGE, Ga. (AP) » You usually see a hunt for a fugitive on TV. In Decatur County the hunt was IN a TV.

A police dog sniffed the hiding place of 6-foot-tall fugitive Alfred Blane in a mobile home. The dog found him crammed into the back of a floor model television set. Blane was wanted on a number of charges including possession of methamphetamine and escape.

(And on suspicion of being a serial contortionist.)

Slick way to fight coke

LONDON (BBC) » Police in the city of Bristol are urging pub and nightclub owners to spray the famous lubricant WD-40 on toilet seats and other flat surfaces in the lavatory that customers often use to snort drugs.

"A chemical reaction takes place with the cocaine that causes it to become an unusable mess," said a police spokesman. "It's one very small, very cheap way you can very seriously restrict the amount of drug use on you premises."

(Ironically, WD-40 can also be used to free people who become lodged in the toilet after sitting down on the lubricated seat.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:

Faster than a speeding bullet, Honolulu Lite on Sunday will bring you the fastest things on the face of the planet and even under the face of the planet.

Quote Me On This (Stayin' Alive Division):

"We lived for days on nothing but food and water." -- W.C. Fields

"I could never learn to like her. Except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight." -- Mark Twain

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com

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