Menehune and Tubers

You may, after two months of this rapidly denouementing tale, wonder why no mention has been made of Menehune. They're coming, but first a word is needed about the reason for their absence, both from The Tube and from our realm here Topside.

The reason, quite frankly, is that we treated them like hell every time they came around. Or at least Hawaiian legends tell of multiple Hawaiian chiefs on multiple islands abusing the wee folk, sometimes with the blessing of the gods. Such as the time the Waimea chief Kiki-a-ola asked Kane for permission to use the Menehune, who stand just 2 feet tall, to construct a dam and water canal on Kauai. Permission granted. Menehune are the cheap immigrant labor of the gods.

Is it any wonder then that they've generally abandoned Hawaii for their own floating island (though many accepted an offer, including medical, dental and a nice 401K, to work for Santa Claus in his North Pole workshop)?

It's remarkable because one of Pele's sons was named Menehune, and their King Ola received that name after an encounter with the goddess of life as a young man. Hawaiians regarded Menehune as ancestors, fellow humans, as opposed to the wild Nawao tribe (who themselves were wiped out by Menehune). So you'd think they'd have been given more respect. But nooo ... On Oahu, the owl god of Manoa's cruelty drove Menehune from the valley.

You'd also think that their contributions to Hawaii would have been more appreciated. A hard-working people of skilled craftsmen -- whether building canoes or creating terraces for farming -- they worked alongside their taller counterparts to create a prosperous culture. The infrastructure of Kailua and Kaneohe was built almost entirely by Menehune.

Maybe it's just the general disrespect most humans show for small people. Remember those dwarf-throwing contests in a Waikiki bar a few years ago? Ever seen a midget in a circus? If they were around today, some well-meaning but mis-guided dolt would probably found Adopt-a-Menehune.

Then again, maybe the treatment of Menehune by big folk had something to do with their constant chatter. You can't shut a one of them up. Think Munchkins on speed. It's said that the incessant drone of their communal babble was enough to make Waha-Nui, chief of Waolani in Nuuanu Valley (near Oahu Country Club) drive them away. And it's a significant place -- it's where the gods built the first heiau, where the gods Kane and Kanaloa once resided and where the first human, Wakea, was born.

Over the years, as Tubers gave up the war gods and human sacrifices, relations improved between Tubers and Menehune. Both cultures, being business-oriented, forged a mutually profitable co-existence.

So it was that the king of the Menehune was just receiving an invitation to a royal wedding.