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Some not-so-far-fetched
tech predictions
for this year

Well, it's the end of another year and everyone is out with their predictions for 2005. Here are some predictions with a technology slant:

Satellite radio by both XM and Sirius will finally be available in Hawaii. It will, however, only be available between the northern tip of the Big Island and the southern end of Maui and programming will be delayed by one week.

Several major tech organizations will be devastated by a new, as yet unnamed virus. Victims will include Google, Apple, Symantec, Red Hat and several open-source software producers. A blue-ribbon panel appointed by President Bush and chaired by Bill Gates will be unable to find the source of the virus. Coincidentally, Service Pack 23a will be released by Microsoft, and for the first time in history, end-users will be charged $100 to download it.

Ninety-nine percent of new software released will be "standards-based." In a related note, 2,334,577 new standards will be released.

"Media Servers" will become more and more common in Hawaii households. What is a media server? A media server is a computer that serves as the control center of a home entertainment system. It works with your TV and other components, allowing you to record and play digital music and video. Unfortunately, in most homes, media servers will annoyingly flash "12:00" all day and night.

A new computer network, known as Skynet, will become self-aware and take over the world ... oh, sorry ... that one's been used before.

Blogs will become more pervasive, leading to the fortification of a major stereotype -- people who spend all day typing on their computers are, in fact, pretty darn boring.

Apple's iPod will be recalled when it is pointed out that the song used prominently in its advertising, "Vertigo" by U2 counts out 1, 2, 3, 14 in Spanish. Apple CEO Steve Jobs will demand that U2's Bono change the song to count out 0, 1, 10, 11 instead. (Only true geeks will appreciate this one.)

Popular new features in the Xbox and PlayStation versions of NBA Basketball include "punch," "kick," and my personal favorite, "run into the stands and beat up the wrong guy."

College football's Bowl Championship Series will no longer use opinion polls and instead will be determined completely by computer. The championship game will pit the MIT Engineers (now that's a clever nickname) versus the Beavers of Cal Tech.

An Internet-based recount of the 2004 election will reveal that Paris Hilton actually won the race for president, narrowly edging out Anna Kournikova.

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