Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

Friday, November 12, 2004

Naughty words killed
‘Saving Private Ryan’

KITV refused to air the movie "Saving Private Ryan" on Veteran's Day because characters say the "F-word" 47 times. The station was afraid it would be fined by the FCC in the wake of the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" at the Superbowl.

It was a good call. There's nothing more aggravating than watching a movie that has all the cuss words bleeped out. The networks aired "Casino" several times with the naughty bits zapped out. It left only three lines of actual dialogue for Joe Pesci, mostly consisting of "fogettaboutit."

Now the news ...

Lucky numbers costly

BEIJING (AP) » A Beijing man paid $257,000 for the ultimate lucky cell phone number: 133-333-3333.

The number was sold at an auction but the owner was not identified. The Chinese consider three a lucky number and groups of threes even luckier.

(Except for the owner of the lucky number, who received roughly 333,333 crank calls after his purchase.)

Rats too much for cats

MEXICO CITY (AP) » A town tried importing an army of cats to deal with its rat problem but the felines couldn't stomach the job.

So now to deal with the half-million rats, Guadalupe y Clavo officials are pinning their hopes on a more lethal predator: man. The town will pay a bounty of 50 cents for each rat that is killed.

I don't think the cats worked very well because we know that when a cat eats one rat, it doesn't kill again for at least two days," mayor Jesus Velazquez said.

(He added, "Besides, if the cats killed the rats, then we'd have to bring in dogs to kill a half-million cats and, well, it would never end.")

Man eyed easy money

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (AP) » A man who collected more than $1 million for being blinded in the same eye four different times, was finally charged with insurance fraud.

Brian Calen claimed he was blinded in accidents involving telescopes, champagne bottles, a flying disc and a cruise ship.

(It wasn't until the cruise ship became embedded in his eye that the insurance company became suspicious.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
Next week is going to be a sorry week. Actually, it's going to be National Sorry Week; a week to consider all the things you have done that you are sorry about. Just remember, love means never having to say ... never mind. Sorry.

Quote Me On This (Bureau of Money):
"You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so." -- Josh Billings
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." -- Woody Allen
"One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones who never have it." -- Finley Peter Dunne

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com



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