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The Goddess Speaks Laurie Moore |
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Care Bears need
extreme makeover
Care Bears, those cute and fuzzy harbingers of happiness, have been around for about 20 years. Originally created as greeting-card characters in the 1980s, these plush toys have become a marketing guru's wet dream. From greeting cards to feature films, and all the merchandise that comes with them, someone has gotten very rich off of their furry little hides.So it didn't surprise me when, while perusing a toy catalog recently, I noticed that Care Bears are morphing into other animals. Known as Care Bear Cousins, we now have elephants and other cuddlies designed to capture the hearts of children and empty the wallets of their parents.
But I think the creators have missed the mark. Yes, they might have Love-a-Lot Bear and Funshine Bear and even Grumpy Bear, but they have not even touched the surface of bear incarnations. In order to remain relevant, Care Bears need an extreme makeover.
So I have taken it upon myself to offer up some cutting-edge Care Bear creations. While not as sugary sweet as the originals, at least they won't send you into a diabetic shock.
Medicare Bear: Most notable for its silver fur and fun accessories (walker and oxygen tank sold separately), this bear likes to crowd the aisles at Longs on Tuesdays and demand senior discounts.
Bad Hair Day Bear: This mottled, multicolored bear has fur that is often tangled. You can't do a thing with this bear.
Underwear Bear: This character comes in boy and girl versions. The boy sports baggy boxers and a baseball cap. The girl wears a red silk bustier and a boa constrictor. Definitely the fashion statement for your son or daughter.
Dare Bear: Part of the Extreme Series, this daring darling can be thrown from high places, withstand 1,000 pounds of pressure and is completely machine washable.
Can't Compare Bear: This one has deep-seated emotional issues. It does not play well with others and is happiest when kept in its original wrapping.
tagre Bear: A collector's item that must be kept in a glass case at all times.
Stare Bear: Part of the Halloween Series, this character has huge, haunting eyes that follow your every move. Definitely not for the faint of heart.
Scare Bear: From the same series, this bear emits ear-piercing screams and has an "action arm" that moves a meat cleaver in a slashing motion.
I Don't Care Bear: The only black bear in my collection, this bear comes with its own supply of Prozac. Other fun accessories (sold separately, of course) include a spiffy white straitjacket.
With a little promotional push, these cutting-edge characters could make for a very merry Christmas, indeed. No offense, Care Bear Cousins.Bad Hair Day Bear: This mottled, multicolored bear has fur that is often tangled. You can't do a thing with this bear.
Underwear Bear: This character comes in boy and girl versions. The boy sports baggy boxers and a baseball cap. The girl wears a red silk bustier and a boa constrictor. Definitely the fashion statement for your son or daughter.
Dare Bear: Part of the Extreme Series, this daring darling can be thrown from high places, withstand 1,000 pounds of pressure and is completely machine washable.
Can't Compare Bear: This one has deep-seated emotional issues. It does not play well with others and is happiest when kept in its original wrapping.
tagre Bear: A collector's item that must be kept in a glass case at all times.
Stare Bear: Part of the Halloween Series, this character has huge, haunting eyes that follow your every move. Definitely not for the faint of heart.
Scare Bear: From the same series, this bear emits ear-piercing screams and has an "action arm" that moves a meat cleaver in a slashing motion.
I Don't Care Bear: The only black bear in my collection, this bear comes with its own supply of Prozac. Other fun accessories (sold separately, of course) include a spiffy white straitjacket.
Laurie Moore is director of communications at the Hawaii Credit Union League.
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