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Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

Friday, September 24, 2004


Proof that terrorist
jokes usually bomb


A reader shares the following tale: Two terrorists were sitting around enjoying a cup of goat milk when one pulled out his wallet and started showing the other pictures.

"This is my youngest son. He's a martyr." he said.

"A handsome boy," the other says.

"And this is my eldest son. He's also a martyr."

The other man looks at picture, shaking his head and says, "They blow up so quickly, don't they?"

(Management regrets if you were offended by this item. Please direct your ire to al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade and other terrorist Web sites which boast of its early education suicide programs.)

And now the news ...

Students stripped of pole

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) >> Three students at Jacksonville University have been punished for installing a stripper pole in their on-campus apartment and taking pictures as clothed female students performed on it at a party.

About a dozen women competed for a $100 Victoria's Secret gift certificate in a stripper pole competition.

School officials would not say what kind of punishment was meted out to the students who organized the contest but said they "took this seriously and the punishment was appropriate."

(The students argued that it actually was not a "stripper pole," but a "firehouse pole" and the women were undergoing rigorous training as part of the "Scantily Clad All Volunteer Our Apartment Fire Brigade.)

Moon sends man up river

MILFORD, Conn. (AP) >> The Moon over Milford will cost a New Haven man extra time in prison.

Richard Brown not only was sentenced to 10 years in prison on robbery charges but an additional six months for pulling down his pants and mooning the judge.

The moon rose after Brown was ordered to say "yes, sir" when addressing the court and instead dropped his trousers and told the judge to kiss his you-know-what."

(What we have here is a failure to communicate. And an idiot for a defendant.)

Robbery one for the aged

TOKYO (AP) >> For this 91-year-old woman, it's not the money, it's the excitement.

The unidentified woman was arrested after trying to steal a woman's handbag in a clothing store, Tokyo police said. It was her 11th arrest in three years for reaching into people's bags and shoplifting.

"She appears to enjoy the thrill," a police spokesman said. She lives alone and doesn't appear to need the money."

(Actually, what she really likes is the thrill of the chase, which, in this case lasted 45 minutes. She sped with her walker from ladies apparel, past the shoe department and was only a half hour from a clean escape via the sportswear exit.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:

Rubber safes? Shiatsu shirts? Spiritual sportswear? Hey, the new Verizon phone book isn't only the size of Diamond Head but contains some pretty bizarre categories of stuff. Catch the weirdness in Sunday's Honolulu Lite.

Quote Me On This:

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment." -- Robert Benchley




See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com



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