He may be a prize
in your eyes only
Just before Derek and I got married I asked him if he was going to have a bachelor party. He shrugged and said he'd rather jump out of a plane, literally. At the time, he was considering sky diving with his buddies.
Fine with me, I thought. Better he break his neck than my trust.
Four years later, a friend asked me whether Derek had a bachelor party. Her fiance had just gone through the tribal rite and she was hurt and confused about the idea of him being drunk around naked dancing women.
What did I think, she asked. Would I have been upset?
The whole ridiculous need for the chest-beating, mouth-breathing bachelor party aside, I told her that if I had known then what I know now, no, I wouldn't have been upset. Maybe I can be magnanimous because he didn't have a bachelor party; either way, my reasons are as follows:
1. Derek is a thrifty guy. There are days when all I want is an expensive pair of shoes, with which I could develop some heinous spinal condition. When I bring up the possible purchase, Derek's eyes bulge and his temple starts twitching. He would rather save that money than pander to my materialistic whims. Judging by that mentality, there's no way he would splurge at a strip club.
2. Strippers, or exotic dancers, have to deal with all kinds of men who exhibit all kinds of strange behavior when in the company of naked women; most of these behaviors are unattractive. I wouldn't be surprised if a majority of exotic dancers feel the same way as adult entertainment queen Jenna Jameson said she felt when she was stripping: She hated men. She said she couldn't stand any of them. In fact, she had a girlfriend during her dancing days.
3. The sheer frustration of it all. As a journalist guy friend of mine said, "Journalists, teachers, we're not the types that really enjoy strip clubs. We come out frustrated and broke. Not good." I can't speak for men, but for me to really remember the experience, the featured entertainment would have to have something remarkable, like three breasts.
4. People can be peer-pressured into doing dumb things. If a gaggle of googly-eyed guys wants to drag their friend to a strip club, he'll go just to avoid being called hen-pecked (and that's the nicest of the bunch). The fact that my friend's fiance got inordinately drunk supports the belief that this isn't normal behavior.
5. Lastly, there's the lousy truth that we feel about our husbands, fiances and boyfriends the way we feel about our newest fashion find. It's the best, no one else has one like it, and if anyone sees it, they'd want it for themselves.
Truthfully, there are probably a few times when exotic dancers meet their mates while working, but drooling, drunken and delirious aren't desirable qualities in anyone's dream date. Let's not underestimate our dancing sisters -- not to mention overestimate our men.
Genevieve A. Suzuki is a freelance writer in Honolulu.
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