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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Fishing permit plan
will hook our walletsCruising along below the surface of the vast federal bureaucracy like a shark preparing to feed on our wallets is a creature called the "National Marine Fisheries Service Draft Recreational Fisheries Strategic Plan."
It is one of those scary government animals that suddenly appears fully grown. The faceless bureaucrats who secretly nursed it to life act like it is a mere hypothetical being, and a benign one at that. These officials say they want people's input on the final form this beastie will take and hold "forums" to gather "input" so that when the brute is finally unleashed on the public, in all its terrifying glory, they can stand back and say, "Hey, this is what everybody wanted."
In case you're wondering what a "National Marine Fisheries Service Draft Recreational Fisheries Strategic Plan" does, let me explain. Any "plans" proposed by obscure federal departments will cost you money, and "strategic plans" are the worst. This one is already costing you money. The care and feeding of those nine imposing words is expensive. This plan should have been drowned in its infancy, but it's too late.
THE MAIN IMPACT the National Marine -- wait, let's just call it the NMFSDRFSP and save some wear and tear on our national alphabetic resources. The main impact of NMFSDRFSP is to make Hawaii residents pay for the privilege of fishing. The pointy heads in the suits will say that the NMFSDRFSP merely will keep track of how many and what kinds of fish are being caught in an effort to make sure we don't run out of fish, but that's a red herring. And if you've ever eaten a red herring, you'll remember the bad taste it leaves in your mouth.
The government already manages the hell out of commercial fisherpersons. Now it wants to manage the hell out of the weekend surfcaster or the guy who drowns worms off the ends of piers. Compared with the commercial longliners and net trawlers, your average recreational fisherman, like me for instance, creates zero impact on the "fishery." I've been fishing in Kaneohe Bay for years and so far have reeled in boots, beer cans, engine blocks, coconuts and a very confused scuba diver. And now the NMFSDRFSP wants me to pay for that privilege?
We can hope this dumb idea to force Hawaii residents to buy permits to fish in the islands goes away. But I'm afraid it won't. It has the stench of bureaucratic inevitability that emanates from that pillar of government intrusionism: "If it moves, tax it. If it doesn't move, subsidize it."
Someone has noticed that a lot of Hawaii residents are goin' fishin', and the fact that they are able to do this for free rankles bureaucratic sensibilities. The fearsome NMFSDRFSP has come in from the deep water and is lurking in the shallows. Grab the children, guard your purses and cue the music. The soundtrack from the movie "Jaws" would seem appropriate.
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Charles Memminger, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2004 First Place Award winner for humor writing, appears Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com