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Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger


Tyson bout would give
isles black eye


After the Hawaii State Boxing Commission turned down Muhammed Ali for a fight many years ago, the ailing fighter retired gracefully and became the beloved icon he is today.

It was probably Hawaii's greatest sports moment. Had we allowed Ali to disgrace himself and his legacy here, we'd still be living with it.

Now comes another professional boxer who should be denied a license to fight here -- Mike Tyson. But for different reasons. It would be a disgrace to Hawaii to allow a convicted rapist, admitted bigot and racist, and probable psychopath like Tyson to make a single dollar off the backs of Hawaii residents. That Tyson's people think Hawaii is so backward or corrupt that they can hoodwink the boxing commission here is reason enough to tell them to hit the road.

Now the news ...

Voters tune in to politics

TORONTO (AP) » A not-so-surprising poll shows that your political beliefs are connected to the type of music you like.

The Dominon Institute surveyed 500 people and found that liberals liked Shania Twain and Alicia Keys. Of those who like rap, 15 percent were conservative.

Rudyard Griffiths, the institute's director, said campaigns can use certain types of music to attract the voters they want.

(For instance, if you play Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries," you might find most of your audience in jack boots.)

The moose that roared

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) » Moose Cheese is getting big, though expensive.

Farmers in Northern Sweden are milking moose and making cheese, which they sell for a lot of dough, about $500 per pound. Upscale hotels and restaurants have been buying cheese from Christer Johansson who has 14 moose on his 24-hectare dairy farm.

Johansson says that only three of the moose can be milked and it takes up two hours to milk them.

(An hour-and-a-half of that is taken up by trying to forget you are about to try and milk a moose.)

Migrants see naked truth

MADRID, Spain (AP) » A raft carrying 42 destitute Africans -- bundled up for a chilly crossing of the Strait of Gibraltar -- washed up on a nudist beach in Southern Spain.

Spanish television broadcast footage of surprised bathers as the befuddled migrants came ashore.

(It also broadcast the befuddled migrants paddling back toward Africa because, as one African said, "these people are worse off than we are."


Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
In Sunday's Honolulu Lite we'll try to answer a few eternal moral questions like: "If your daughter's fish dies while she is traveling on the mainland, should you try to replace it with an identical fish before she returns?" and "Can anyone suggest a pet store that sells little blue fish with long wavy fins that answer to 'Lucy'"?

Quote me on this (Truth Squad Department):
"I have too much respect for the truth than to drag it out on every trifling occasion." -- Mark Twain

"It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you happen to be an exceptionally good liar." -- Jerome K. Jerome

"I believe anything as long as it's incredible." -- Oscar Wilde




See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com



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