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Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

Friday, May 7, 2004


Japan might have taste
for annoying frogs


In a recent Honolulu Lite column I applauded the growth of a new industry in Hawaii, the sale of bottles of perfectly normal deep sea water to Japan allegedly for its health benefits. In fact, I suggested that before the rubes wise up to our scam, we begin shipping to Japan bottles of "Hawaii Air" and cans of "Hawaii Sunshine" -- which, according to your more knowledgeable charlatans, can cure everything from scurvy to St. Vitas Dance.

Lite reader and noted dentist Russell Masunaga suggests we go even further and use Japan's interest in nutritional quackery to unload some island nuisances. He suggests we export deep fried or chocolate-covered Coqui frogs (said to alleviate rheumatism) and oral hygiene or perfume products made from that annoying swamp weed Salvinia Molesta. I think the doc has sunk his teeth into a great idea.

Now the news ...

Home builder nailed

LOS ANGELES (AP) » A construction worker survived after accidentally driving six nails into his head with a nail gun.

Isidro Mejia, 39, said he was happy to be alive after an accident in which he fell from the roof of a house he was building with a nail gun which discharged on impact. Three nails penetrated Mejia's brain and one entered his spine. Miraculously, all the nails were removed and he is expected to recover fully, doctors say.

(Doctors said it was a good thing he was using a nail gun because it would have been impossible to remove a hammer from his head.)

Wasps buzz, monks hum

COLOMBO, Sri Lanka (AP) » Saffron-robed Buddhist monks chanted hymns and made offerings to calm a colony of wasps who have forced the closure of a fifth-century monument.

Several dozen tourists have been treated after being stung by wasps at the fortress Sigiriya, considered an architectural marvel of its time period.

The monks -- who practice non-violence to all living things -- hoped chants and incense sticks would placate the insects.

(If that doesn't work, they plan to try a new politically correct aerosol bug repellent by the makers of "Raid!" called "Pray!")

Bubble baths can kill

HENDERSON, Texas (AP) » A man set up a bubble bath for his wife, complete with candles and music, then tried to electrocute her by pushing a radio into the tub.

William Joseph Wolfe, a 34-year-old emergency room nurse, is charged with attempted murder.

His wife caught the radio before it hit the water. She later discovered he had visited Internet web sites dealing with bathtub electrocution.

(And they say there's nothing but porn on the Internet these days.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
A bill to keep "vexatious requesters" from repeatedly asking for public information from government files has died an appropriate death in the state legislature. Nevertheless, Honolulu Lite demands an immediate investigation to determine who allowed the dangerous practice of a thesaurus being allowed into Senate chambers.

Quote Me On This:
"In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television." Erma Bombeck




See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com



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