|
’Net Junkie Shawn "Speedy" Lopes |
Making spam listenable
Just when the Internet began shaping up to be the great electronic picnic we'd hoped, our home computers were assailed and overrun with cyberspace's version of jock itch. Every day, without fail, our e-mail inboxes are deluged with electronic junk mail -- spam, if you like -- from online peddlers hawking everything from generic Viagra ("Go into sexual overdrive ... vroooom!") to bizarre diet schemes ("Hey come on -- why not get some HG hormone dietary therapy ... ") and too-good-to-be-true money-making strategies ("Take home over $10,000 per month part-time!"). There really seems to be no end in sight to this pestilence.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Amazingly, the creators of spamradio.com have turned the scourge of the Internet into a novel, perhaps even artful pastime. By relaying junk e-mail through a text-to-speech engine and laying the results over moody electronic tracks, this inventive Web site has actually made spam listenable and oddly engaging.
A stark, robot-like voice spewing sales pitches interpreted from junk e-mail coupled with exotic electronic soundscapes taken from the catalog of online music label Monotonik, Spamradio.com's perpetual audio stream is not just compelling, it's downright creepy. "There is no limit to the income you can generate from this business," reads the soulless host over a languid synthesized melody. "You have just received information that can give you financial freedom for the rest of your life."
As the experience cannot be fully realized here, I recommend logging on to www.spamradio.com and skimming through the site's features. The "Top 10 Spams" are a hoot, provided you don't object to adult-oriented e-mail. "Just like everyone else on the Internet, we have no control over the junk mail that we receive...," reads the disclaimer. "Therefore, it is inevitable that from time to time sections of the spamradio broadcast will contain material that some people may find offensive."
Equally hilarious are its interpretation of an e-mail of Brazilian origin (featuring the worst Portuguese enunciation you'll ever hear) and sonic representations of several Nigerian spam scams.
"There is always a new sales pitch -- a new way that you can improve your life, if only you will take a few minutes to read," spamradio.com reminds us. "Anything this important shouldn't be ignored. Anything this important deserves its own radio show."
Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
