Kalani Simpson Sidelines

Kalani Simpson

Thursday, September 11, 2003

C’mon, I know you
wanna read me again

ON a day of infamy we turn to the readers for a few moments of peace. Or whatever you would call it ...

Dear Sports Columnist:

>> "I never write to any columnist or newspaper, but I had to respond to your article today. Rainbow Joe hit home for me as I went through all of the same emotions. Last night, before falling asleep, I was building a scenario of how we would win the game, quarter by quarter. I bet Rainbow Joe did the same."

COMMENT: Are you kidding? Rainbow Joe never sleeps. He just stays up watching tapes of the 56-14 game, yelling "Take that, baby!" every time LaVell Edwards' face appears on the screen.

>> "All us superfans had mixed emotions watching that (BYU-USC) game, just as you wrote. It's called a VICARIOUS EXPERIENCE.

"(USC) did show vulnerabilities. ... Above all, time of possession is key. BYU held its own. If Hawaii gives USC 35-40 minutes with the ball -- hope you at least enjoyed the $50 tailgate party."

COMMENT: Hey, who's writing the funny lines here, anyway?

>> "Bobby (Curran),

"You ought to get yourself a weekly column in the Star-Bulletin as a rational counterpoint to simple-minded fools like Kalani Simpson."

COMMENT: "Fools?" That's plural. Who else is there?

>> "If I were Costas Theocharidis, Kimo Tuyay or Mike Wilton that ring would not be coming off my finger."

COMMENT: It doesn't have to. The rings aren't official NCAA prizes, so they don't have to be returned. Which reminds me, someone should tell Vernon Podlewski. The last I heard he was going into hiding, vowing the NCAA would never take his ring. Vernon! Come in from this life on the run! It's OK!

>> "Now, the main point of my letter. @#$%^& pay-per-view is ruining football on Oahu. You know how much I like to slam Oregon State football 'cause I know da (UH guys) would smoke 'um, but one thing I notice and gotta respect is the unfaltering support they get from their fans, selling-out week in and week out. ALL the big schools are BIG because of their FAN base. Even with games on TV, the fans on the mainland show WAY more support, shun the @#$%^& TV broadcast, and go crazy in the stadiums, as it should be."

COMMENT: You know you've got a good e-mail when they say, "Now, the main point of my letter ..."

>> "Mr. Simpson, I believe you just may have redeemed yourself with this article. ... With the article you published tonight, I take back the things I'd recently said about how I'd never read your articles again."

COMMENT: So this was the article after you were never going to read again.

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Kalani Simpson can be reached at


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